Young Writers Society

OK, since I'm a firm believer in getting the bad out of the way first, here goes.
The main problem with this is flow: it was all kinds of wrong. A poem, in my opinion, should be either free-flowing (long, graceful lines, with little punctuation), or short and choppy. This was neither, and both, which makes it hard to read.

But I'm always too weird,
I can't do anything right,

good...just remember that whenever you have puncuation, there is a pause (though the length of that pause depends on what the author wants). You have a lot of talent with lyric poetry...you should write it more often.


-faded

No problem. I am the Grammar Nazi.
And, I forgot to say it, but I really like the first stanza. It sounds good in my head (which is a very strange place).
And your poem really speaks to me, my mom...whatever. I'm rambling and complaining, I'll shut up now.

ok...thanks. yeah, definitely a lot of frustration in there. And, as a small side not, I hate grammar. It all looked good to me when I wrote it. Thanks again.

First of all, you've got some major grammar issues.

When talking about people, use "who," not "that."

that excepts me for me,
that I can talk to,
that loves me unconditionally,
that I can laugh with?

To answer affirmatively: accept an invitation.
To agree to take (a duty or responsibility).
To regard as proper, usual, or right: Such customs are widely accepted.
To regard as true; believe in: Scientists have accepted the new theory.
To understand as having a specific meaning.

If it were not for the fact that; only. Often used with that: I would buy the suit, except that it costs too much.
Otherwise than: They didn't open their mouths except to complain.
Unless: "And ne'er throughout the year to church thou go'st/Except it be to pray against thy foes" (Shakespeare).