chocoholic

Okay, I just found this after reviewing your first chapter. But it's not like I missed out on anything big. Like I said with chapter one, you need more description. ...

I don't read much Romance, but I liked your title and decided to have a look. As for your overall story, I think you've introduced everything a bit too fast. ...

Hello ilikepenguins, and welcome to YWS! I ope you're having fun on the site so far. Before I start your critique, I'd like to point out to you that we ...

Yay! Another song! I was going to critique this last night, but I was too tired. But, here I am! I wonder if some of this, particularly Che's bit, isn't ...

This was really good, and so true. Although I don't live in the UK (I'm stuck in Australia until I'm old enough to move there permanently), we are in the ...

Wow! That was... wow! I agree with 3B, and original Sam production. [quote=BigBadBear]genshibakudan What the fluff does that mean? [/quote] It's Japanese for atomic bomb. Although I don't really know ...

I had a rel problem with this as a song. I didn't feel anything, I couldn't hear a tune, or even the beginnings of a rhythm. I think it would ...

That was really cool. It's how the mind would think, I reckon, and the ending was perfect. There were a couple of things I noticed: Self-consciously I look at my ...

Wow! That was really good! You're so getting a gold star for that! She didn’t answer the man and his question. This sounds a bit odd. The man and his ...

Wow! This is long, but I'll do my best. Let's see... A long time ago on a small isolated bay in the heart of a rich society There's something about ...

Hehe! That was so cute! I would be lovely as a children's book with pictures. “Hey Claire, what do you want?” Tim asked randomly. Who are these people? Why does ...

Haha! That was funny. The one thing I had a problem with was the intelligence of your MC. An eight year-old is not that smart, and would not speak in ...

Sometimes when I think too much, you all seem so far away, I sit and pine, my silent mind, it starts to cry. The first two lines are goo, but ...

It's a good short piece. But that's the problem. It's short. And very quick. I want to know more. Where exactly is she? Who are the people around her? What ...

Welcome to YWS! The first thing I noticed when I had a look at this is that you haven't made any reviews. Here on YWS we have a two for ...