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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Wow! That was really good! You're so getting a gold star for that!
This sounds a bit odd. The man and his question? I think you should make it one of the two.
Your. Immediate.
I don't think he would refer to Miriam as the 'poor girl'. It doesn't go with what I make him out to be.
Get rid of the early. It's unnecessary.
Your
That was brilliant! The plot, the characters, the writing... amazing! I loved it. Some of the things the uncle said didn't seem to fit in with his character, but the rest was perfect. I was a bit confused at the ending though, who was it that died? Miriam or Hera? I think you should make it a bit clearer.
Good job!