delete

Wow! That was really good! You're so getting a gold star for that!

She didn’t answer the man and his question.

This sounds a bit odd. The man and his question? I think you should make it one of the two.

anything outside of you’re immediately family

Your. Immediate.

sympathize for the poor girl?”

I don't think he would refer to Miriam as the 'poor girl'. It doesn't go with what I make him out to be.

“I’m going to bed early,”

Get rid of the early. It's unnecessary.

laugh you’re head

Your



That was brilliant! The plot, the characters, the writing... amazing! I loved it. Some of the things the uncle said didn't seem to fit in with his character, but the rest was perfect. I was a bit confused at the ending though, who was it that died? Miriam or Hera? I think you should make it a bit clearer.

Good job!