Your tongue tracing my lips just waiting to get in.
A way to tell me more lies,
So sick, so sick.
But I feel like I’m about to ask for more,
I want the rest of the story.
I can't help but adore.
Those words hanging at the tip of you teeth,
Ready to pass on to my lips.
So wrong, so wrong
So why does this seem so innocent.
Tension burns against this lust.
Scream the words you hate to yell.
Hurt until there’s no more pain (to take).
Cry until they all know this was a mistake.
You were a second drug I loved to take.
But now my addiction is wearing away.
He walks out the door.
Going to the girl next door.
She slips off her dress and puts on a robe.
This must be a nightmare cause I thought I could trust.
Cheater, oh cheater I can't handle this anymore.
Those words hanging at the tip of you teeth,
Ready to pass on to my lips.
So wrong, so wrong
So why does this seem so innocent.
Tension burns against this lust.
Scream the words you hate to yell.
Hurt until there’s no more pain (to take).
Cry until they all know this was a mistake.
You were a second drug I loved to take.
But now my addiction is wearing away.
Your kiss is addictive,
But those words are misery.
There’s no time for talking,
I don't love you anymore.
The meaning of sorry is nothing to me,
You overran it like a critics words.
I don't know how to forgive.
I won't pray for you anymore.
I hope you know I stopped having faith in you.
And the clues all lead to the end .
You never cared for me...
Tension burns against this lust.
Scream the words you hate to yell.
Hurt until there’s no more pain (to take).
Cry until they all know this was a mistake.
You were a second drug I loved to take.
But now my addiction is wearing away.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I really loved this. The only critique I could do has nothing to do with wording and more to do with how this works musically. But obviously I cannot help you there because I'm not using the particular sense that would let me help you out. (i.e., Sound)
Anyway, the first verse rocked the known world. Kudos.
I had a rel problem with this as a song. I didn't feel anything, I couldn't hear a tune, or even the beginnings of a rhythm. I think it would be better off as a poem.
Do you have a tune for this? Because that's the tipping point between a song and a poem. It's very hard to put lyrics to music, so I always recommend having a tune to begin with.
I think what you're saying is good, but this really doesn't seem to be a song to me. If you work on it a bit and make sure you can really sing it with a distinct tune, and then maybe give us a bit of information when it comes to what the tune is like, it'll be better. For now, I would call this a poem.
Good luck!
I like this. :]
You can really feel what's going on and what the songs letting you find out (If that makes any sense!).
Keep writing!!