chocoholic

I couldn't find any mistakes, but I really don't think anybody above the age of 6 thinks this about their paents, and it was obvious your character was over the ...

rolling off of his chin I don't think you need to say of flapped I'd use a different word. This one doesn't seem fitting in relation to the rest of ...

We shared crayons and blocks. We shared snacks and naps and secrets. We lived, laughed, and loved together. But, it's over now. We've grown apart, taken different roads. And all ...

You are the maggot of my body- munching and crunching away at the dusty must within my folds. So, poetry isn't my strong point, but I don't like how you ...

She gritted her teeth at the sound of her name being spoken by such a hated one, but her voice was even as she said, "leader of the Cørra." Why ...

“Mr. Benedict?” Good Lord, he’d come himself. Shouldn't you seperate the two parts? They seem to belong to two different paragraphs. His light footsteps sounded on the stairs, before he ...

Slung over a man’s shoulder, your perspective changes. As I bounced along on my captor’s shoulder, my brain stopped being able to grasp reality—which had strayed from the realm of ...

"Just drive!" growled the one who'd threatened me with the knife. Distantly, heard the shrill scream of a fire detector going off. The neighbors would be awake any second—I’d never ...

Okay, so I'm not really a poetry person, but I'll do my best. I really liked this, although I think you should use capitals when needed. It would just look ...

Short, sweet and powerful. It's true, though. People will tell, despite how close you are. Please double-space in future, it makes the whole thing much easier to read. It's very ...

Hi. First thing I want to say is, double-spacing . Many new people to the site forget, but you must remember in future. It makes it much easier for the ...

This was a really nice piece. I like your style and it flowed well. I would try to put in an atmosphere of tension, though. It felt all happy and ...

Finished it last night, absolutely loathed it! I was completely confused, and the ending told us almost nothing! I found it totally unrealistic and it made me want to throw ...

I liked it. Even the ending, and I'm not a huge fan of happy endings. The only thing that really got to me that this was in a different font, ...

Hello. Very nice. I'd like to see it continued. The magic infused glass wall, which had imprisoned me my whole life, now lay shattered upon the trembling grass. A cool ...