Published March 9, 2008
“Pinky swear you won’t tell?”
Ah. Worst words, so often spoken. Once this sentence drops from your hopeful mouth, you realize your attempt was in vain. Whoever you just let in on your little secret is bound to tell.
Regardless, you twist your smallest fingers together, both bearing utterly opposite thoughts in mind. They, now wielding an extraordinary secret, can’t wait to go and whisper it into their best friend’s ear. You, hoping, wishing, wanting them to lock their lips and throw away the key.
Congratulations. You’ve just made a big mistake.
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
As good ole Ben Franklin once said, three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.
Quick note, and shame on everyone else for not pointing this out earlier. You need to do at least 2 critiques before posting your own work. This 2:1 ratio helps ensure that everybody gets a critique and no one's ignored. It's a rule we have here, you might want to read them while I have your attention.
Interesting flash fic! Like many have said before me, this is short, sweet, and to the point. Your diction is very nice, really hooks the reader.
Personally, I think you could have come up with a more powerful ending. It just kind of fizzles. I want a nice big BANG! to end such an eloquent piece. "Congratulations blah blah blah" feels like you really didn't put enough effort into wrapping this up. I'd try and come up with a more dramatic conclusion if I were you.
-Saint Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate
I liked this. Short, sweet, and it had a strong point. I didn't like the end so much. It just didn't seem to fit as nicely as the rest, but thats just my opinion.
Hello,
I am also new to YWS. I really liked your story. It is so true about secrets and pinky swears. The only 100% way that your sure that no one will tell is if you a) don't tell anyone or b) kill the person you told. That is against the law though. Everyone does it though, so it's no big deal. We all tell each others secrets, it's hard not to keep them in.
So, tell me, where is this story going? What is the plot. You have a very good opening that makes people want to read on, what is going to happen though? Is it going to be for children or for teens?
Please keep writing. Also, next time you post something, make it a little longer. Every time I write one little thing I went to go show a publisher. Expand it and make it longer, then post. It will be worth it.
Personal Message me when you write more.
-steph
I agree too. You and the one you told your secret to might not be buddies forever, and that's when it comes out. Anyway, pretty good. Like the other two people said, short but sweet.
Short, sweet and powerful. It's true, though. People will tell, despite how close you are.
Please double-space in future, it makes the whole thing much easier to read.
It's very simple, but it doesn't need anymore than this. You should try turning it into a poem, I reckon.
I really liked it! Just remember, double-spaced.
Hello, welcome to YWS!
Ah... the power of the pinky swear... I quite liked this actually. It was short but sweet. The only bone I really have to pick was that you say "their best friend’s ear"- but wouldn't they be your best friend? I don't know...
Overall, I liked the fact you're talking in second person. It's unusual, I liked it.
PM me if you feel the need to!
-Stella x