carbonCore

Nalakaya; Heirress Heiress of Hell I could feel there their eyes on me, staring daggers at me. [This reads a little bit awkwardly] There their whispers had followed me ever ...

Such an overwhelming amount of negativity! How did you manage to compact all of that into one vignette? It boggles the mind (but at the same time isn't very surprising, ...

I commend you for your bravery in approaching this topic. It's not one that a lot of people choose to touch. I do have a partial interest in this, because ...

Once upon a time, there was a fish. That is the story; the rest is detail. The details begin – as far as anyone can tell – with the day ...

Hidey-ho, I am here to review! First off: love the idea. Love the bits of magical realism going on. A person with no friends finding one is a favourite topic ...

Hey Pink! Don't think that your stalker has forgotten about you! Awesome poem, and I don't think there's a problem with it not flowing well. It feels choppy and I ...

*deep breath* Alright, here we go. :) As usual, I'm not going to spend any time reviewing technical aspects of this work like word choice, grammar, or spelling, because I ...

Here to review! First of all, I'm going to have to agree with Canis about the whole wordiness issue. I can see the theme of individuality in your story, but ...

It was dark and rainy the morning that started my adventures. [You don't need this, the next sentence is much stronger as a beginning sentence] It was a S aturday ...

Chapter 3 The smell of roasting deer meat filled Amberose’s den. The den itself was an interesting place. [Make it interesting through images and description rather than having us take ...

Chapter 1 The darkness of the night was split only by the pale light of the moon hidden in the cloud bank. [I suggest you don't start your story with ...

Stela, you'd make a really good troll. :) I will not go on a huge tirade about how wrong you are, since you've repeatedly stated not to take this post ...

when worries crept out of the crevices in which she’d stuffed them This part sounded a bit awkward to me. “Shut up, human,” Kutho snapped, not looking at her. His ...

Sir Dacron pressed his horse on through the rain. Thunder rolled ominously above them. It was not often that Dacron felt fear, but now it had wrapped its iron hand ...

"Three-pronged"? :P I shall leave the grammar pickings-apart and the spelling crossings-out to the other, more capable reviewers of this site, and instead dive into the meat of the story. ...