canislupis

Hmmmm, good description, but there isn't much plot. There are no characters, no dialogue, and nothing has really happened yet. Its very short, and it feels like you are describing ...

I agree with the pirate.:) I love the idea of taking a newspaper heading, and then writing a story about it. Like Razorblade said, this definitely has potential. Your writing ...

I agree with the previous reviewers. I did find it a bit cliche, with the "don't stop now" and things like that. Some sentences I also found a bit repetative. ...

Wow, yeah. *Agrees with the ninja turtle:)* Also too much information for the first couple of paragraphs. Especially in the second one, it's: "he is this, he was that," and ...

Wow. I agree with Shadow, this definitely needs some work. You are using commas excessively, which forms run-on sentences, which causes confusion,................:) Here is my critique: Rose woke up t

Wow. Nice dialogue, and description. I found your opening very melodramatic, and many of your phrases are redundant. Miya already pointed out a lot of the things I was wondering ...

Hmmm, plotwise this was good. I found it slightly offputting the was you referred to the therapist as "you/your". Even though it is stylistically correct, I just wasn't really a ...

Hi! Good luck with the contest :) Did you know that out of all children's stories, "cinderella" has been remade and rewritten the most? That said, it is pretty hard ...

Interesting idea. I agree with writergirl in that the intro isn't the best, I was afraid your whole story was going that way... But anyway, this seems more like science ...

Wow! I am definitely going to keep an eye out for chapter two. Like Aisho said, the title definitely hints something interesting to come:) There are a few little errors ...

Nice. Very fascinating scenario, this piece definitely has potential. I might suggest changing the order and viewpoint of the story, it has a lot of: "she did this, she was ...

very unexpected.:) I don't think this is non-fiction though..... at least I hope its not nonfiction.....:D You definitely need to space it out a bit, you should have a new ...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! why don't you post part of it? I would suggest spacing the paragraphs out more. You do have a few grammar issues, but nothing that is not easily sorted ...

Hmmm, I like the way you took an idea, and wrote about it. I'm not sure I liked the fact that there was so much swearing, since it isn't really ...

Wow! Me likey!!!!!! I really enjoyed reading this. It was a bit slow in the beginning, but after about the third paragraph, you really got me interested. Maybe elborate more ...