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Re: 2 weeks
I lifted my glance from the computer screen. And looked at Jack when he passed by I didn’t understand why he liked to call me after what it said on ...
Jul 27, 2008 -
Re: |Prologue - Chapter One(just added)| Stairway To heaven
I took some notes while I read this, it still has a couple of crinkles but it's a great improvement from the last. Try: "A tattoo ran down my neck ...
Jul 27, 2008 -
Re: Jenna
Not much I can suggest for this one, it's well done in my opinion. (Of course, every story can stand a couple dosen revisions just for the hell of it ...
Jul 23, 2008 -
Re: Curses, Spells, Fate and Coincidence part 2
Since he had nowhere to live and no money, Clover decided the best thing to do was get a job. He wandered the cold streets of the village, not knowing ...
Jul 23, 2008 -
Re: Lana
Wow, is it weird that I've been in the EXACT same position as Kyle with a girl EXACTLY like Lana? Crazy. Edits \/ Lana leaned against the school lockers as ...
Jul 19, 2008 -
Re: Chapter 1:The night at the villa...
If you take nothing else from this review, I would at least recommend that you almost never end sentences in exclaimation marks. You can usually take the sentences that end ...
Jul 19, 2008 -
Re: Her Trip
Don't get me wrong, the story was good, but it needs a lot of work. You need to keep a firm grasp on past and present tense, even one mistake ...
Jul 14, 2008 -
Re: Chapter One - Please Don't Rest Tonight
Ooh! Haha. Really unique, I can see something developing out of this, it's got a metric ton of potential. There are some typos, so take a look through it again: ...
Jul 10, 2008 -
Re: Forgotten- Chapter 1
I don't know who said it but I heard a quote once "The hardest part about writing is deciding what to leave out" You've got a couple of adjectives and ...
Jul 10, 2008 -
Re: -Entry deleted-
Very good, I like it, and I'll definitely check it out as it progresses. I'd recommend posting it in single chapters (the dashed lines are chapter dividers right?), just to ...
Jul 10, 2008
