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Re: Life of Grubb
I love the first two lines. Congrats on stepping into the narrative naturally. I know you need to tell the story, but the one thing I couldn't mess with was ...
Sat Jun 28, 2008 2:11 am -
Re: Escape
first off, when i realized what they were going to do, i felt a lump in my throat. my thought (in which i pray i am not repeating anyone, but ...
Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:55 am -
Re: Cancer
things i liked- the detached tone, the future tense in the end, the plurality, the language, the secong person. things i was confused about- the reference to the anti-drug campaigns. ...
Sun May 11, 2008 9:43 pm -
Re: The Shiner
i love the lazy summer day vibe, and the characters are interesting, but they do seem older. just one thing that really stuck out- do guys say "every fiber in ...
Sun May 11, 2008 9:34 pm -
Re: all about dark holes
spelling, grammar, and format need work. also you need more reviews. i got the depression bit, but there isn't much to keep a reader locked in. since this is your ...
Sun May 11, 2008 9:21 pm -
Re: Hey, Its High School
Yay! V. good, I knew you could do it! And it is a bit cliche, but you write well, so it'd be one of those books i'd pick up when ...
Fri Apr 11, 2008 1:42 pm -
Re: Journals of the Broken
Good idea, but kinda hard to gauge from this point. The one problem I see in this is the diary format. It's a cool style, but you're not really pulling ...
Mon Feb 25, 2008 4:28 pm -
Re: Six silver Chains
Oddly enough I had an idea along this line years ago- a necklace you can't get off- but I never followed through with it. It'll be cool to see where ...
Mon Feb 25, 2008 4:12 pm -
Re: Lycanthropy
Good idea, but werewolves are a bit overdone... I'm not quite sure about this, if you're going with a more historical aspect, I think you can't use contractions. Not quite ...
Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:13 pm -
Re: Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird
Greatest book my crappy middle school teacher made us read. It almost makes up for her making us read books three reading levels below our grade level. One of the ...
Sat Jan 19, 2008 6:09 pm -
Re: delete please
Whoa. The concept reminds me of a book I read years ago, but I don't know what it was called. The details seem surreal- like when you've got a high ...
Sat Jan 19, 2008 3:34 am -
Re: Senphalia: Gaia’s Academy-Prologue
A good summary of one of those universal truths. The change the pov needs to be tweaked, but that's easy enough. As a general rule, pov should be the same ...
Sat Dec 29, 2007 4:26 am -
Re: Blood Moon: Chapter One
Okay, I don't write or really even read werewolf stories, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say your story sounds good. The character flaws you've introduced are ...
Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:09 pm -
Re: I Just Read ERAGON and ELDEST!
they're the books you read if you just want to read- like chewing bubble gum. It won't fill you up, but at least it gets your mind off of food/reading. ...
Wed Nov 28, 2007 4:32 pm -
Re: Blue Princess#1
interesting premise, but you need to get in the description of En earlier- I have a feeling that this is something that will be important, so the earlier you learn ...
Sun Nov 25, 2007 11:53 pm
