This is a simple prologue that's not made to reveal too much in the story, if someone were to choose not to read it, it's designed not to affect the reader too much
(my first try at a long story, comments greatly appreciated)
Senphalia: Gaia’s Academy
Prologue
When every person is but a child, they are often told that a story must have a beginning, a middle and an end. Yet if we each looked closer, we would realize that a beginning is simply the start of an end, and an end would be the start of a new beginning. The truth is, sometimes we just need to open up and see that circle, so that the middle can take on a new importance. I’m opening my eyes right now in fact, to tell my story. Only a section, a sliver in the passage of time, but one of the greatest middles in that neverending circle. EDIT: The bridge between a summer afternoon and new future.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...this is an interesting choice for a prologue, especially considering quite how small this also manages to be here. Now it seems you did sort of want this to not affect the reader too much which is fine, even though that is normally not what prologues are used for, you can just chose to leave an interesting little message here in this prologue and to that end I think this one does its job alright.
There is certainly something almost somewhat mesmerizing about the situation this piece is mapping out here and I think you do a pretty solid job in terms of picking that up and showing it to us as the readers here. Its not a lot, but what we have here does leave you thinking a bit and that's always a good thing for a prologue even though yes this doesn't seem to reveal much or anything at all really about a story per see.
Before I end though I would like to ask what this edit is doing there. It seems like it could easily just be a part of this prologue meant to represent some sort of thing we don't quite know yet and make it even more mysterious although it it's meant to be an actual edit I don't think this is a great way to be adding such a thing in.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
First, I agree very much with the other comments!
Second, this could be longer. My prologue is short too, but this needs just a little bit more for it to really be a prologue.
I would change this to something more like
Yet when I looked closer, I realized that a beginning could simply be the start of an end, and an end could be the start of a new beginning"
(I changed the POV and some wording)
If I were you, I would clarify the underlined parts more. Open what up? And what circle?
I would change the last line as it doesn't really fit quite right into the story. I'm not sure what....call me to brainstorm!!xxo
I tell you something, if this was at the start of a book, I'd keep reading. Very true though, it IS the middle that counts... which is why it's clever, introducing you to the middle of a story at the very beginning...
A good summary of one of those universal truths.
The change the pov needs to be tweaked, but that's easy enough. As a general rule, pov should be the same within a paragraph.
The second to the last sentence is a bit awkward. You could smooth it out perhaps with another comma or deleting the phrase "in fact" and by changing the tense of the word "tell"- the infinitve doesn't work well here.
I love the idea of ending with a fragment. It's great and sets up a reflective, omniscient mood.
Can't wait to see more- hopefully it'll be a bit longer.
This is well written, there's nothing to really pick at here.
but...
"When every person is but a child"
You can easily use "When I was but a child" because you're using first person narration. The 'every person' may connect with the audience, but it's also a risk, because people might be 'huh?' about it. Either's good though.
Even though you don't want your prologue to be neccesary, it can have more ramification on your overall piece than mere philosophical insight. If you want people to critique your stuff I think it needs to be in that middling range between too short (this) and too long (novel sized chunks)
Cheerio,
Rubric
A catchy little prologue. You probably could have just attached it to the first section though, it's so short.
I'm also a short story writer attempting a long story. If you could take the time to review my story [in my signature, or in the fantasy forum] that would be great! You've caught my interest, I'm excited to read Chapter One.