bkwrm

Hi! This is great - it doesn't have as much as an impact as your first chapter, but that's not really a bad thing. I can't find any mistakes that ...

It's great - I was hooked immediately and also very intrigued. I desperately want to know what happens next, which is a testament to your skills as a writer. One ...

Wow! I really like it! I don't think you need to change it at all -it's a fantastic prologue! Your hand in mine, eyes saying, "Let's get away, let's get ...

This is really interesting. Your descriptions actually remind me a little of how Bram Stoker described the female vampires in Dracula. There are a couple of things you need to ...

Together with its brothers, they gave more than any of them could give alone. When you say 'together with its ...' you have to say 'it did' not 'they did' ...

Hey this is a great! A visiting author once told pupils at my school that writing down your dreams helps when you're stuck for inspiration. I must admit I was ...

Nice! * Whistles appreciatively * It's such a fantastic way to start. Anyway there's just one thing i noticed: That’s a sad note to die on, I think, but then ...

Impressive! I think it's really good. Actually most of your stuff is really good. I wish I could come up with the goods as often as you seem to. Anyway ...

I really like it when people express their opinions, no matter how often a similar opinion has been voiced. I definately love the rhythm and I can just hear heavy ...

Hi! I like this and I think you're doing really well. I agree with paintedcookie that you need to check your work over though, as some of it is a ...