hmm...I enjoyed it. Very good description. Too bad that I didn't even know there was such an animal out there named an Osprey. I guess you learn a new thing everyday. 
You can write very well, better than me, and your short story seemed a lot like poetry. It is somewhat informative also. Good job. Keep it up. 
~Stephanie
Hmm....
The writing was good.
But perhaps I am not a person for these kinds of things. I was bored. Oh gosh, bored out of my mind. Why do I want to read about a bird?
Yes, it was poetic, it had a beautiful meaning behind it, it was lovely, etc.etc. like others have said.
But the plot was boring, and it just didn't catch me. Your writing was superb, but if you would have written something more catching, more...I don't know exactly. Perhaps I'm not meant for these sort of things.
I hope I helped or...did something?
Hello, critique time:
The bird spread its wings and flew.
That familiar sensation appeared once more, but the creature was impervious to it.
This avian was a beast of the sky, however.
It turned sharply and headed west, towards its nest.
Thus, most creatures returned to their respective lairs; most creatures, but not the osprey.
Pushing off from the branch, the osprey swept its eyes over surface of the lake.
Movement!
Its talons were grasping at the air, hungry for flesh, ready to squeeze life out of something.
C'est moi! Salut, mon ami / le Diable!
So I finally got to it. My list of crits was getting staggeringly long and I figured I owed you one long-overdue before it slipped my mind. ^_~ But now to the piece: your style of writing here is very deep and eloquent, tending towards the verbose, which is nice for such a subject as a bird in flight. It provides quite an effective contrast for so simple a concept. You've nailed the perfect tone, throughout - when I first started reading this, I admit I was a little dubious at the style, but this was truly a pleasure to read. It wasn't at all what I was expecting, which made it all the more impressive. ^_^
--
And now for the technicalities here:
The bird spread its wings and flew. That familiar sensation appeared once more, but the creature was impervious to it. The act of flying was as common and everyday as walking was to humans, Homo sapiens, those creatures of the earth. This avian was a beast of the sky, however. The ground was for prey. The earth bred the rats, the moles, and, most importantly, fish. She was the life-giver and mother to the sky. Soil; the laboring worker. Wind; the free-spirited child.
[The opening line is perfect in its brevity, nicely done there. The second line has me a bit confused, though, as far as word choice goes. Impervious brings to mind the concept of being invulnerable to injury or impairment. But the sensation of flight is generally associated with freedom and lightness - the contrast here feels a bit off, something you might want to consider editing a bit. In the last two sentences, I believe your semi-colons are misused. Don't take this as gospel, but I'm under the impression that semi-colons are used to represent a conjunction between two or more clauses, and a conjunciton wouldn't fit in the context in which you're writing 'Soil' and 'Wind'. You might want to convert them to colons instead.]
Letting the thermal lift it to an adequate height, the bird glided towards the lake, letting gravity work its magic. Unlike the creatures of the ground, winged beasts used and manipulated gravity, using its force and converting it into distance. The sun gleamed off the osprey's feathers, illuminating its back. Its scowling face was adorned by a black mask, highlighting its cold, unfeeling eyes. But these dark feathers' actual purpose was more practical, reducing the glare of the sun upon the osprey's eyes. Spotting the tree in which it nested, the bird alighted upon a branch with ease.
[The repetition of 'letting' in the first line drags - if it was intentional, leave it in by all means, but if the repetition wasn't your purposeful goal, you might want to consider eschewing it. And something I noticed by the end of this paragraph - watch that you don't let too many present participles over-run your narrative. Just in this paragraph along you have 'letting', 'using', 'converting', 'illuminating', 'highlighting', 'reducing', and 'spotting'.]
Planning accordingly, they changed their appointments and updated their calendars. Children playing outside soon were called in by their mothers. Weatherman forecast a downpour, with possible hail. Beasts other than men, too, retreated to their shelters. Bears returned to their caves and moles to their tunnels. Thus, most creatures returned to their respective lairs; most creatures, but not the osprey.
[The first line of this excerpt begins a bit awkwardly: 'planning accordingly', that's a mouthful. And keep an eye on those participles. ^_~]
Pushing off from the branch, the osprey's eyes swept the surface of the lake. It circled the water and keenly observed the ripples below it. Gazing, watching, waiting for a creature of the water to betray itself. Moving towards the shore, the boats on the lake retreated. They would be back, but they did not like the rain. All the better, for they scared away the fish with their ugly noises.
[The first sentence is grammatically wrong. Look at it here: 'pushing off from the branch, the osprey's eyes swept...' The osprey's eyes didn't puch off the branch, which is how this sentence literaly reads. Something to look at? Also, the description in the last line seems weaker compared to the rest of the strong diction - 'ugly noises' in particularly. There might be a better way to illustrate the racket.]
Its death came about on a sunny day, a gentle breeze present in the air. It was migrating southward, with its fellow ospreys. A steady flapping of the wings kept them aloft, their soft calls reverberating throughout the area. But this beauty was not to last. A hunter had his sights trained upon it from the ground. With a weapon, he reached out from the earth and into the sky, and brought down a prize. It sounded so much like thunder. Except this time, there was no tree to hide in. The osprey fell, tumbling through the air, while its group progressed onwards without it. Not once did the bird's family feel sorrow for its death, nor could they. They were just beasts, and they were not truly alive.
[Rather than saying 'a gentle breeze present in the air, you might cut it down to 'in the midst of a gentle breeze' or some such thing. In Sentence #2 , I would scratch that comma between 'southward' and 'with'. Again, a bit of confusion in the last line: ... bird's aren't truly alive?
The Summary:
1) Make sure your semi-colons and present participles don't get the best of you. Too many can drown the narrative and you want to make sure you're using them like fine spice - that would be, sparingly. ^_~
2)Make sure you flesh out some of your more poetic ideas - leave no room for confusion, even if it's minor.
3) You're conclusion's brilliantly written out, Shest - I think you might be destined for law rather than global domination. Your tone, overall, is lovely. This was very enjoyable to read. 
EDIT: 4) Just a note, make sure you maintain the same tense throughout. You went back and forth a few times between past and present.
--
(Critted for the CCF)
Lancrist wrote:The major problem I found with this is the way it was told. Up to the point where the story says "I do not know where our bird died," I thought that the story was being told from the bird's point of view.
The quality of the writing in this was good and the story was good in building towards the final message.
The major problem I found with this is the way it was told. Up to the point where the story says "I do not know where our bird died," I thought that the story was being told from the bird's point of view.
Because of the intimate knowledge of what the bird is doing and thinking it appears to be from the bird's P.O.V, and then towards the end there it switches over to a human perspective without much indication.
Prokaryote wrote: That familiar sensation appeared once more, but the creature was impervious to it.
Prokaryote wrote:But these dark feathers' actual purpose was more practical, reducing the glare of the sun upon the osprey's eyes.
Prokaryote wrote: The humans knew rain was coming. Planning accordingly, they changed their appointments and updated their calendars
BlackDove wrote:You just said all this detail about the earth and the sky. Where did that come from if not the bird? All that poetry is wasted then…
“Humidity hung in the air. Thunder could be heard in the distance, drowning out the noise of the streets.” You could just put that into one sentence. It would sound better.
“Pushing off from the branch, the osprey's eyes swept the surface of the lake.” You never said the osprey landed on the branch in the first place. Last time you mentioned her, she was in the air.
Spotting the tree in which it nested, the bird alighted upon a branch with ease.
I cannot remember, but I don’t think ospreys have nests to begin with. Not unless they have eggs or young. And you mention neither.
And do your homework. I don’t know much about ospreys in particular, but a little bit of research wouldn’t hurt.
This is very beautiful. I really enjoyed it and it made me think. You have a lovely imagination and your style is very good! It’s very poetic and sophisticated. I loved this, well done!
“A few boats drifting on the water's surface could be seen,” this could be reversed. It would sound better. Something like “A few boats could be seen, drifting on the water’s surface…”
“its brain was not developed to appreciate beauty” you just said all this detail about the earth and the sky. Where did that come from if not the bird? All that poetry is wasted then…
“Its scowling face was adorned by a black mask, highlighting its cold, unfeeling eyes” this is very good. Well done!
“Humidity hung in the air. Thunder could be heard in the distance, drowning out the noise of the streets.” You could just put that into one sentence. It would sound better.
“Pushing off from the branch, the osprey's eyes swept the surface of the lake.” You never said the osprey landed on the branch in the first place. Last time you mentioned her, she was in the air.
I cannot remember, but I don’t think ospreys have nests to begin with. Not unless they have eggs or young. And you mention neither.
When birds of prey cling to branches, the more they relax, the harder they grip. It’s the opposite for humans. It’s so they can sleep in the trees out of reach of predators. You seem to describe how tense the bird is. Try rectifying that! And do your homework. I don’t know much about ospreys in particular, but a little bit of research wouldn’t hurt.
This is very beautiful. I really enjoyed it and it made me think. You have a lovely imagination and your style is very good! It’s very poetic and sophisticated. I loved this, well done!
Yours
BlackDove
I love it. No really, I do.
You see the life as, indeed, an osprey would see it, if they just didnt think 000000000.
I couldn't see any grammar problems, but then, I'm not the one to ask for finding those.
I think too much....
Aye, don't worry about it DD, take your time.
bkwrm: Actually, I originally spelled it "spacially," until Mozilla's spell-checker told me to change it, ha. So I did what any good writer does, submit to the spell-check. "Spacially" does makes more sense though.
Rieda: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.
Prokaryote
I love this. Short, meaningful, AND interesting. I love your analogies and your description is excellent. I was just reading your sentences over and over, they had so much meaning in so little words and you did a whole story consisting of them. It was also very different from others. A life meaning, I really wasn't expecting that, but I liked it. Great job on this.
Keep it up!
~Rieda
I've not forgotten the crit, Shest, never fear. ^_~ Life seems to be getting in the way of my actually typing one up. I'm going to try to get it posted for you this evening, though - if I can manage it, I'll edit it into this post for you.
Sorry again, for how long it's taking.
Together with its brothers, they gave more than any of them could give alone.
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