backgroundbob

Last line: "peace" :) Your main mistake is that each line is a seperate sentence; because not only are they all different syllable lengths (and therefore your rhythm is off) ...

Hola, Señorita. Firstly, some of the imagery was exceptional. The "project ceramic" line in particular caught my eye, but it was very good as a whole. Problems: rhythm. There were ...

Alright, I'm going to try and keep this short, because I know I have a tendancy to rant/ramble. Poetry is, in its most basic concept - and with a few ...

Firstly, double posting is bad form - after a long time with no comments isn't too bad, but half-an-hour later isn't really acceptable. Now, onto the poem: your main problem ...

My head's spinning a little bit unhealthily at the moment, so I'll make this quick and come back to it: my first impression says very, very good poem (making pain/anger/etc ...

Interesting, interesting. Firstly, the rhyme; you've not done too badly, I think - there are parts where it seems a little forced and like you've struggled to fit the poem ...

Interesting; short but sweet, as they say. It's a little hard to critique a piece that's got so little to write about, but that's alright :) all pieces have their ...

Windmill is definitely my favourite out of the two: I didn't entirely get what it was about (well, I may have done, but I'm not sure...) but I loved how ...

You've got the structure of a SS very well; major kudos, you don't get a lot of strongly structured poetry around anymore. The only point you've slightly fallen off the ...

Yep, I'm loving this to pieces. Only criticism - you seem a little stray on the punctuation, sometimes - ends of verses don't have full-stops where they should, there are ...

Good, though I'm with Jack in general :) your old ones were more classically poetic. One thing - I think the rhythm in the first stanza could do with some ...

OK, just one thing for now - every single sentance is a simple one. "This this this this this" or "this this this, this this this." It gets slow, it ...

Eep, no! Keep the worthless information, it's the whole *point* of the thing, it's who he is. OK, I liked this - I'll pick out my critiques, now :) there ...

Get a room, as we Mancunians would say. Anywho! It started with one word; hello I'm thinking a semi-colon should be turning into a colon right about now. You also ...

Yeah, bless. ... ^o) Anyway: critique. When I first read this, I was a little unsure about how much I liked it, but I think I've fallen over to the ...