backgroundbob

Yes, well, we won't put her down because she isn't as good as ol' Sylvie, now will we? O_o Both versions have strengths; both have weaknesses. It's always going to ...

Yeah, Angel's got the gist of it; since I'm about to give you partly the same advice I gave her, it's quite fitting! :) It's quite touching, in a simple ...

To me, it just felt like a string of similar words... but I guess that's what poetry really is, right? No, it really, really isn't. I'm caught in two minds ...

Righty-o. Firstly, your use of rhyme was a breath of fresh air. There are *so* many people who butcher it (hey, I've certainly been guilty of it!) but your was ...

I think we all wish we could escape our voice, sometimes; mine feels so cold and impersonal, to me. I liked it - maybe because I identify with the character, ...

Hokey-dokey: First and foremost, you've spelt "you're" as "ur" in the title. It just isn't acceptable: use proper English. Now, with regards to the poem: Firstly, you have no punctuation. ...

I'm not falling for this one, I don't think. It's well written, which makes it more of a shame; your spelling and grammar are good, your dialgoue is well done, ...

Word up, folksies, let's crit some poetry. Right, first problem: it's not very poetical. There's a simple reason for this - every single one of your lines is a sentance, ...

Righty-o. Not enough punctuation! I say it to loads of people, and actually, yours it better than some, but still: the first three lines shouldn't all run together like that. ...

Okalydokaly. Firstly, punctuation! There's all of one comma in the whole thing, which is usually reserved for slam poetry that's whirlwinded through without taking a breath. This doesn't strike me ...

Cicero's got the right of it: they are well-written, but when you've read them all, like I have, they get horribly repetitive. There are some phrases that he uses *so ...

Well. Mixed opinions on this one. Your style is different, which is good in itself: there are times when you sound way overpretentious; this tone might be excellent when writing ...

It ain't got a thing goin' for it. Firstly - grammar. Hey you yes you we need to talk Where are the commas that make this readable? Think about how ...

Right, down to business! Travel in space see what’s in store, OK, problem here is that you need a comma after "space" to make the sentance grammatical - try saying ...

So, I have no idea how this managed to get by without being commented upon. People's lack of willingness to read anything long, I guess: shame. Well, it's a class ...