Young Writers Society

:thumb: good job i really like Create positive energy.
Control your destiny!
Take time to smile, that's my fav part

Yeah, Angel's got the gist of it; since I'm about to give you partly the same advice I gave her, it's quite fitting!

It's quite touching, in a simple kind of way; I'm not really a fan of the lines you've used, mainly because they seem a bit cliche. Stuff like "Create positive energy", "Control your destiny", "Be a dreamer", "Enjoy the simple pleasures", all of these are sentances that have been used loads before. On the other hand, the type of poem it is actually lends itself surprisingly well to being cliche - it's almost ironically happy in tone, like a self-help advert. I don't think you meant it that way, but it's so cliche, happy and cheery that it's become depressing interesting development.

Anyway, completely apart from your subject matter, you main problem is how you've set out your lines. While I'm immensely gratified that you've varied your punctuation (it's lovely to see someone actually capable of remembering what a comma is!), it doesn't help the flow of the poem. In a nutshell: each of your lines is statement, which could be self-contained - you could pretty much put a full-stop after every line and it would make as much grammatical sense. The problem with this is that it becomes choppy and very stop-start; what you need to do is to change it so some sentances just keep going, without any punctuation or pauses - read it out loud until it flows well

OK, that'll do - interesting piece.

What you are trying to get across is deep, but the way you've written the poem is very simple which makes the poem lose its effect.

Overall, it was a good poem just try and develop it more, maybe adding more images to the writing. l

Recharge your batteries.

That line... makes me wonder, what TYPE of love are we talking about? LOL
I dont' know... lol...

the word IMAGINE by itself... threw me off a bit.

I couldn't feel a flow, but that's just me, but it was a decent poem... nothing special, unlike most of your other work.

*pats on back*

I liked this. I didn't see anything, and it flows really well. The stanzas aren't too long or short, and it has RYTHYM.

I liked the idea it portrays: To love your life. When I clicked the link, I thought: *says choppy like* 'oh no. another poem about love. i can hardly bear this.' and then, BAM! it blew me away. I never really thought of it that way. Then again, I'm not thinking too good at all tonight. I had seven cups of coffee at my youth group, in a row, with NO SWEETENER. wow.

great job, keep this up!