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Hey, I see most of the nit-picks are already done. I like the view-point that you have. It makes the entire thing seem like an experience that no-one can quite ...

Hi, I just had a few cioncerns about your story: before devouring it in its dark bowels . I think that the bold words don't sound right. Too much description ...

Hi, apart from some small mistakes pointed out below, it was good. You used great language and excellent descriptions. I could almost picture the scene. I would suggest that you ...

I don't get it... what is the narrator, and why do we need to know about Helena in the beginning? You also ask heaps of questions that science can answer, ...

Sorry pippiedooda, I was half way through my review, and then I got sidetracked... dinner and such. She did not look like Esmerald- she hadn’t expected to. After all, Esmerald ...

Okay... I'm really sorry! You asked me to review... but you did so well that I was sucked into the story too much to find any mistakes. This might not ...

Okay... I got that she comitted suicide, but how... I liked your use of repetition though... The laughing. I'm not very giood at poetry though, and I thought that the ...

Creeping through the shadows, the thief made his not so great entrance. [here you say entrance, and then you reveal that he is outside... you could try and clarify this] ...

Okay, you asked me to review, but I couldn't find much here. My only improvement would be this : She settled herself down to the steady plink [Notice the italics] ...

Hi, Sorry I took so long! First... I think you have to be 13 to use this site. I'm pretty sure that that is the minnimum age. But I suppose ...

Okay... Hi! I'm really sorry I took so long, but my homework started to back up... well, you know the story! :arrow: First of all, you're starting paragraph is good. ...

Okay, first, I want to point out, as many have already done, that you should review 2 pieces of work for everything you post. This just helps to balance out ...

Hi! Here is the review I promised! :arrow: First up... I don't get what you are trying to achieve with this, is it just to tell us how you feel? ...

Hi... Here I am, as requested! I hugged myself as I walked to my house. It had gotten colder. I kept walking thinking about the days events. When I walked ...

Hi! Here's the review... sorry I took so long! Rob Newmire walked from his home to his car. It was a [s]very[/s] [I would change this to classic] all-American setting. ...