Night visitor part 11

Sorry it took so long to post this part! Its a bit longer than usual too but I hope its not too much- things are a bit slow moving at the moment but I think its kind of necessary, more action will come I promise! :D Oh and to all those who have reviewed and I have not made corrections- it is because I am going to go back through all my work a lot more thoroughly with overall comments and edit it completely :) I do really appreciate all the comments people make thank you so much!!

She wanted to hang onto the thrill that buzzed through her, but a question popped up into her mind unbidden-

What do they want me for?

End of part 10

There was a slight tickling at the back of her mind, a hint of something. Esmerald must have known, she had been far more aware of what was going on than Holly. They’d needed to bring her back for something. Something very important…

Surprisingly though, a memory flashed up of Filo talking to Holly as she sat paralysed.

“Oh, you’ll be great. You’ll lead everyone to power. You see, you will know something, something very important, that will allow all of us to rise into the limelight.”

Alarm bells were ringing, she knew this… It was to do with Esmeralds abilities, about finding something. There was a valuable object that would help all of them, every spirit that-

“Esme, you travelled fast.”

Esme nearly jumped at Zahra’s voice close behind her, snapping quickly out of her trail of thought. She took a moment to compose her expression before turning to face Zahra, smiling politely. “Just trying out the new body, its been a while.”

Zahra laughed, the same chilling sound that had tormented Holly not long ago. “Oh yes, I remember that feeling. Such freedom after so long, its brilliant.” Her eyes took on a far away look, as if recalling the sensation.

More people emerged from the forest, but unlike Zahra and Esme they did not stop. They blurred past, the thick iron door gaping open to receive them. Esme watched them move, her eyes picking up on each tiny detail despite how fast they travelled. It was like Holly had observed before, they all looked quite similar. The half-dead image each projected invoked an uncomfortable, almost sympathetic feeling to Esme. The un-lucky ones, who couldn’t quite find the right match to sustain themselves- but was that really a bad thing? Were they after all supposed to be alive in this time?

Esme frowned. She had never thought this way as Esmerald. It hadn’t mattered about those who lived presently, the powerful had a right to overrule the weak. Or so she had believed. But now…

Holly would never have been for this, she had experienced it first hand, almost shoved out of her own body, scared and alone. She would never have wished that on anyone.

What did Esme think now?

Its strange, all my thoughts and feelings are so different, I don’t know what to think anymore.

“Esme? Shall we go inside?”

Esme broke out of her reverie, her head whipping back to face Zahra. “I think I’ll stay here a moment, I’ll join you in a minute.” She kept her voice brisk- she was in charge here, she didn’t need to seek permission on what she could do.

Zahra eyed her curiously, “If that is what you wish.” Her voice sounded almost mockingly servile and Esme suppressed a smile at Zahra’s distaste for her new lower position.

Zahra turned on her heel and disappeared through the door swiftly, the soft thunk of her footsteps barely audible to Esme’s trained ears.

Alone, at last.

It was odd, standing still by the hillock with nothing but the sounds of the forest available to her. She didn’t feel the thrill she had so enjoyed earlier, in truth she could feel the hint of something sad and fearful. Esme tried to push it aside and allow the nature around her to take over her thoughts.

But why am I here?

It returned again- that stubborn thought she could not reject. The sun was now nearly fully risen, its glow spreading slowly to warm her skin and light her features. The whole forest was waking up, the rustling of animals disturbing leaves and the sounds of small creatures calling to one another were becoming more frequent. Still, she could not just shut off.

A noise nearby alerted her to the fact that she was not the only ‘human’ in the area. Esme tensed instantly, her breath becoming shallow.

“Who’s there?” She called, her eyes roving in their sockets to take in any movement in the trees surrounding her.

She spotted a figure approaching slowly, deliberately so as not to alarm her.

Joseph.

“Esme, I’m sorry to disturb you.” His soft voice was careful and even, as if he feared she might leap at him at any moment. She could recognise the hollow cheeks, the wide, sorrowful eyes and the pasty skin of her previous stalker instantly. Before it had left her heart pounding and her mind panicking, but now he looked weak- no threat to her whatsoever.

She relaxed her muscles but kept her eyes fixed on him as he advanced. “What is it you want?”

Joseph looked uncomfortable, he was squinting from the sun- obviously not happy with the brightness of its soft glow. He waited until he had reached a reasonably close distance, still several feet away, before stopping.

“I’m sorry, please, you can send me away if I’m an annoyance.” He turned his gaze down humbly. It felt strange to Esme, for some reason it was not enjoyable to have him this way. Should she have been pleased to see him as he was now compared to the tormentor she had once perceived him as? She mentally shook off her uncertainty.

“No, that’s fine. What is it you want?” She kept her voice dismissive, playing into her role despite the odd feeling she felt.

He cleared his throat and again answered in that soft and submissive tone. “I wanted to speak to you a moment, on… possible future plans.” His eyes flickered up to meet hers then back down again. “If it’s not too rude of me to ask of course.”

Future plans? What future plans? Does he expect me to know something?

Not wanting to reveal her ignorance on the topic, Esme nodded curtly. “Yes, well?” As much as she kept her features blank, there was a part of her that instantly jumped at the possibility of finding out what she was there for.

Joseph took a breath and let his words out all in one go. “Its about the gateway, I know its not my place to say but I am not very sure if it’s the best idea to open it. I know the good of our people is what’s best, but what if we became overrun? Or conflicts were to rise? Its been so long since so many of us were together, I think we should not be so quick in our decisions.” Esme was sure he had never spoken so much in his life- or whatever it would be called- and the rush took her momentarily by surprise. Then the words started to sink in.

Gateway?

It definitely sparked something. Her mind started to whir as she concentrated on making sense of what he had said.

Oh…

It hit home heavily, as if Esme had been slapped forcefully across the face.

They want to let more of the old ones in. More of people like me- well half of me. I’m the key to this. I can open it somehow and then everyone can return, all those floating around where Esmerald was can enter the bodies of those alive now and walk the earth once more. That’s why I’m needed, That’s why they went to so much trouble to find a perfect match.

The realisation was such a blow to her senses and although the actual moment of recognition took only seconds, she felt like hours had passed, revealing the truth she had scoured her mind for. She knew she had to turn her attention back to where she was, but to pull away was difficult. What was she to think of this?

Joseph was clearly nervous as to what her response would be, Esme gathered that to speak like this would not be seen as the correct thing to do to someone of her power. She felt a twinge of sympathy towards him, he was putting himself on the line here- but why? Was it really the over-crowding explanation that he had just proposed to her?

Would he really care that much to risk offering up an opinion to someone he believed could destroy him in the blink of an eye? Surely Zahra would have already thought of this, they don’t strike me as the sort of ‘people’ to not plan an event so large as this.

Esme knew she had to answer him soon, she couldn’t allow him to hang so cruelly awaiting her response, but she just couldn’t think how to reply. The information had caught her off guard and she needed time to put her thoughts into order.

“I will take what you have said into consideration, thank you.” Joseph looked up, frowning slightly.

No, Esmerald wouldn’t be so polite. He wasn’t expecting that.

“If that’s all I think you should go inside after the others.” She ordered, wishing he would stop staring at her so strangely.

He obediently bowed slightly, changing his puzzled expression to keep his face completely blank, revealing nothing. As he walked past towards the door way, Esme felt tiny hairs stand up on the back of her neck.

He suspects something…

Again, I haven't been over this part much so all critques are really valued :D Thanks for reading!

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
SheepMonoxide
Comment

Rawr. Thanks for the PM !
A great chapter, once more. And I'm still hanging off my seat, I nearly fell !
I really can't wait for the next chapter, it's bloomin' awesome.
Can you PM me for the next part again ??
XD
x

User avatar
MeadowLark
Review

Heya! Thanks for the PM.

Ya, there weren't many errors in this. So, good job! So let's see if I can actally comment on anything:

Characters: I like how you showed the conflict the Esme is going through. Like how she's trying to act like Esmerald but also like Holly. And the way Joseph is developing more. I noticed that in the last part. So good job on the character development.

Plot: Wow. Didn't expect a gateway to pop up. So they want more of these creepy people to come? What exactly are these people anyways? Well, I'm sure we'll learn that in the parts to come.

Overall: Another great chapter! I like how you ended it with her suspecting Joseph of knowing something is different o_O If that made any sense. You left us at an interesting part.

Happy Writing!

Meadow

P.S So helpful, I know.

User avatar
asxz
Review
asxz wrote a review · Thu Mar 26, 2009 3:09 am

Hey, I see most of the nit-picks are already done. I like the view-point that you have. It makes the entire thing seem like an experience that no-one can quite understand. This makes me interested!
Thanks for the PM!

“Oh yes, I remember that feeling. Such freedom after so long, its brilliant.” Her eyes took on a far away look, as if remembering the sensation.

You say remembering here twice, just thought that I would point that out!

User avatar
mhmmcolleenx0
Review

Hey! You always review my stuff, so I'm reviewing yours. I think that Dudette got most of the nit-picks so I won't do that.

I checked out the other parts, I hadn't read them yet. I'm completely hooked. This is written well and I really enjoyed reading it. PM me if you add more. Sorry, that wasn't a very in-depth review. But, there weren't very many errors. :) Good job!

User avatar
xDudettex
Review

Hey =]

Thanks for the PM!

Nit-piks;

They’d needed to bring her back for something, something very important… - I don't know if this would work better as two seperate sentences. It would add to the suspense of her thoughts.

“Oh, you’ll be great. You’ll lead everyone to power. You see, you will know something, something very important, that will allow all of us to rise into the limelight.” - Maybe you could put this in italics to show that it's a flash back or use '*' to break it up from the paragraph before. - Whatever you think is better :)

something very important, that will allow all of us to rise into the limelight.” - I don't think you need the comma before 'that'

Were they after all supposed to be occupying a body in this time? - I don't know if this sentence makes sense. Maybe re-word it.

Esme frowned, she had never thought this way as Esmerald. - Maybe break this up into two sentences.

I don’t know what to think anymore, - Comma should be a full stop.

she didn’t need to seek permission what to do. - Maybe re-word this sentence. 'she didn't need to seek permission from anyone' or 'she didn't need to seek permission on what she could do'

servile - I've learnt a new word :D

She called her eyes - I'd add a comma after 'called'

Its about the gateway, I know - I'd change the comma to a full stop

They want to let more of the old ones in. More of people like me- well half of me. I’m the key to this. I can open it somehow and then everyone can return, - As these are her thoughts, I'd put them in italics

although the actual moment of recognition took only seconds, she felt like hours had flashed past, - As you say that it felt like hours instead of seconds, I don't think 'flashed' fits. Maybe change it.

He suspects something… - Oooh! I love the ending! :D

Overall;[b]

I still love this story and I'm completely hooked!

I think it flowed really well and I can't wait to read the next part :)

I also liked how Joseph seemed a little more human in this part.

I hope this review helped! Can you PM me when the next part is up please?

xDudettex

User avatar
writingmouse_13
Comment

Wow! Did not expect that! Can't wait till your done with the next part!



Be careful or be roadkill.
— Calvin