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this is some good writing, but I don't think that you should continue the story like thins. The entire first chapter might be alright, but the diary thing will get ...

No matter what stands in your way you will stand tall (But without my brothers I would have fall) These two sentences sound off, try and re-work them. (I will ...

Hi, replying to your will review for food post... First up, Readability the first sentence just didn't cut it, I had to read it a couple of times, then I ...

Wow, that was touching, you should enter it in "The Activism Contest" Check it out, I think you would win for sure! especially because it was written on personal experience, ...

hey, this is great... It's very descriptive and uses great adjectives and metaphors! Now onto the nit-picks: Now I’m not here to merely spit criticism and unleash a riot of ...

sorry, I coundn't actually be bothered reading it, as I hadn't really read the first one, and I don't have much time. But don't worry about it being long, that's ...

hi, I found no nit-picks after what has already been said. The climax of the story was great, and I don't think at all that you ruined it by making ...

“What are you?” I asked in a whisper. She flashed a morbid smile. “A vampire.” isn't that already established by now? anyway, great story, captivating first sentence and an excellent ...

Hi, you asked for a review and here it is! (sorry if its harsh) His hair was wild, just like when he first came to me. I knew he had ...

That's a cool story. I think that it was great if you could think that up in a night. Basically all that I wanted to say was what has already ...

Your grammar's a bit off, and you haven't poster two reviews. The forum has a 2/1 posting rule, you have to review two pieces of work before you can post ...

"Fine. Lets go and see Jack." Jack looked at me seriously. When did you find jack? he wasn't there a sentence ago? Anyway, we need more description!!! Imagine being at ...

WOW, you got a lot of reviews for this! it was a good story and I liked the plot line, but you, and a lot of other people on this ...

How could the boy see Ashy? “Whenever I freeze up like that, it means I haven’t taken anyone in a couple of minutes. They get longer the more I wait, ...

wow, that's a cool story, most of what i would say has already been said, but I'll do my best He stopped in front of a pastry store. It smelled ...