ashleylee

Wow, that is so sad. I can’t believe that Mary died. I really liked her character…Grr…that makes me mad. But I guess, you had to touch the reader somehow and ...

Omgod…this is nuts. Absolutely nuts. And I’m pretty sure this shouldn’t be in Romantic Fiction. Too much Drama, no love. Not in the right forum, that’s for sure :wink: “So, ...

Intense! :D Very good ending! Loved it! This was Christian’s second time being suspended, the first time was when he got in a fight with a kid who thought that ...

Wow, that was CRAZY! This story is getting so good. I wish I could tell you more about it, like suggestions to make but there really isn’t any except for ...

What a jerk! Leaving poor Mary there alone. I really don’t like Christian. I mean, that started awhile back but I really REALLY don’t like him now. But anyway… Your ...

What a dork, seriously, that Christian. You did really well with the scene. So real. I thought this was the best chapter so far. I found no mistakes, nata, nothing, ...

Omgod, what!?!?!?! Krobeth is Mary’s father and he has been lying all this time! Wow, you sure know how to pull the rug out from underneath someone, don’t you! :wink: ...

Some crazy stuff, BigBadBear! I’m serious, this is nuts! But somehow, very addicting…:D “Yes, you see, the penalty for murder is death! I am a retired policeman, but I still ...

Kill him?? Kill Cristy’s father?? Whoa, this is getting crazy. But I think you have found a fan in me! :D Christian was gasping, taking in as much air as ...

Can you say “C-R-E-E-P-Y!!” That was so scary, especially when that Krobeth guy knew Christian’s name. Gives me the chills just thinking about it. Ug… Christian was very disappointed in ...

Hmm, that chapter was fairly short and I’m not sure I like the length. I seemed to enjoy the longer one better. But I guess that is how it goes…:wink: ...

Okay, I like the overall idea of this story so far, but I think you use WAY too much telling. I mean, it wasn’t just like that in one paragraph. ...

Very cute ending, Kels! Loved it! :D I did notice a few things: But he didn’t offer, and I didn’t dare to ask. The last bit of this sentence is ...

Oh my, that was simply adorable. I can just imagine a young boy sitting out in his front yard that is covered in dirt, not grass, sitting on his side, ...

Wow. Your voice is simply....amazing. I really don’t have words for it. *speechless* :D I did notice one thing, however small it is. It diffused in thick whisps as he ...