aquababe

It's an interesting storyline, and sets the plot pretty well. There are a couple of knit-picks I have, but you didn't bad at all. Jerahbeth was once known as one ...

It could be longer, but it's pretty good. There's a couple of knit-picks, but no major issues. I do wish that there was a little more plot in this section, ...

It looks good. I love all of your description. :D I can picture what's happening. Great job, I see no major issues. There's just a few knit-picks. Cigarette smoke wafts ...

It confused me a bit to begin with, but I liked it. It was very creative. :D A couple of your rhymes might have been a litle forced, but you ...

Over all, this was pretty good. You could brush up the flow a bit and fix a couple errors, but good job. I was slightly confused the first time I ...

It looks good, and I could only find a couple small errors. Jocosa had grown up to be a rough-looking girl with a protrudant not sure if this is a ...

This was an interesting beginning of a story. :D I have a couple of nit picks I'd like to point out. Also, welcome to YWS...allthough I'm newer than you. Jason ...

I really enjoyed you're plot, and I look forward to reading more. :D Don't be insulted by my nitpicking. I really like the story, and want to help you polish ...

This is a great addition to you're first chapter. :) I did notice that this, My heart skipped a beat and I felt an odd, warm sensation shape at the ...

It's an excellent poem. :) :) :) The only thing is, Look at the starving children,Look at them fall,Look as we starve ourselves,Just to fit a small. It took me ...

Wow. This sounds interesting. I hope you continue. I noticed a couple of tings, but other than this it looks good. Glass walls, ceiling, and floor, gave the impression that ...

Wow! I con honestly say that there's not really anything that I can nitpick about this. It's well written. It caught my attention in the beginning, and kept it. Job ...

This sounds like a great story plot. It's a little like the giver, but it works. I have a couple of nitpicks, but you did a great job. Make it ...

I really like the twist right here. :shock: Tried to kill her one night. Someone was killed , alright. She was found alive. And he was found dead. Lucky , ...

It looks interesting. There were a few spelling errors, but other than that it looks fine. You could change some wording up to make it a little more fluent and ...