apple96

Hi katngo73 This piece does seem quite short and more detail would make it alot more emotional, of course I would be sitting crying whilst trying to write it which ...

Hi McDayDreamer This piece starts by bringing the reader right into whats going on. It akes me feel like I want to read more because although I've read the first ...

Hi Jabber This was a great piece. I loved how you created such a contrast between Alluring and Mother Gothel. The end confused me at first although I got the ...

Just wondering about the use of the word siezure in this chapter. Did the old man have a heart attack, if he did then I think you need to find ...

I loved this, as it is another great chapter. I only spotted one typo which was at one point living area was spelled lviing area. Other than that I couldn't ...

OhmyGosh :( Poor mr snakey Sorry I have a soft spot for snakes. In fact no I loove snakes. I agree with the comments made above but couldn't think of ...

Hi I thought that this was a really amazing piece. It conveyed a lot of emotion. There isn't really much I can say that hasn't already been said except this: ...

Hi Twinkle it's apple96 here! Right well I didn't spot anything big wrong with this piece and really enjoyed reading it. However one thing I did notice was this: I ...

Hi I'm apple :) Okay I don't write poetry but I do enjoy reading it. I loved the poem, especially the last few lines, but did notice that the capitalisation ...

Hi welcome to YWS I'm apple :) Right I did like this prologue because it drops the reader straight into the action and does leave them wanting more. However, I ...

I love it more than I loved the first chapter of this novel, and that was hard to beat! I didn't spot any problems which haven't already been mentioned and ...

More brilliant writing but I have to agree with the above comment by saying that much of this piece does seem to describe rather than to tell us how the ...

Hey I'm apple and I must say that I really enjoyed this piece. I don't have much to say about it because there were few (if any problems). The only ...

I actually really enjoyed this and I sooooo hope that you write more pretty please but anyways yeah i like the flow of this chapter because i think that it ...

Hey, I loved this piece and can't wait for the rest of it. I don't have much else to say about it apart from one thing which kinda bugged me ...