Younnez19

The thing that first caught my eye, and it is entirely wrong. No spaces before your commas. You write them as if they are part of the word which they ...

You have many comma splices and fragment sentences. Your first two sentences are both independent clauses. Don't connect the two with a comma. That creates the comma splice. "I look ...

I'll be fairly straight with you. i'm just going to point out the things that were incorrect, and what other aspects of the story you could fix up to make ...

lovely poem indeed. The rhythm, and the pace that the reader gets from it is quite smooth.Just one thing though: "was unaware of, ""in"" the frightened tears she shed" I ...