Hi guys, I’m Akanksha from India, and this is my first writing project which will be there on the internet.I hope you will appreciate or rebuke this beginner.
I’m not going to be philosophical or an optimist but I’m going to give you a short account of the teenage life in India. I’m a teenager, and like all others I’m also ‘going thru d phase.’ I keep on thinking, become self -conscious at times , get irritated and all those stuff.But in India, teenage is considered to be amajor turnover in life(believe me ,a very major one ).As soon as the child turns 13, he becomes a suggestion box. Parents , teachers , relatives or anyone around you who is the least related to you , will advice you some or the other thing. And at the end of the day, you’re inundated with comments like; “hey, you’re growing up now”, “you should improve your body language” ,”Oh dear this happens to everyone in this age.” etc. And if you are a girl, it feels like the entire world has declared a war against you. But luckily , I didn’t face much of that.. All thanks to my mom.
Well , that was how the society reacts. In the Indian education system, there is an equal amount of attention laid on languages , mathematics, science, sports and discipline. That’s my personal experience that as soon as I passed the seventh grade,my world has turned upside down. Everyone keeps asking me what I want to pursue as my career (which I have myself not yet decided),my interests and my goals. According to the economy of India, iphone is like having half the world’s wealth. Whenever people see someone carrying an iphone , the first thing they say is, “That man has some standard.” Its exhilarating when I meet someone and instead of saying a Hello,she asks ,"do you have an …um.. an iPhone?" If you say ‘yes’ the next question will be , “Which one? 5s or 6s?”and if you say a ‘no’, the rest can be imagined. Now, the worst question ever for teenager; “Just asking… Do you have a boyfriend?” “No? I’m so sorry for you” What! How can someone else decidewhat type of person I am by just knowing whether I have a boyfriend or not. Honestly speaking, I DON’THAVE A BOYFRIEND AND I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT !
So , I’m still going through this frivolous transition phase and feeling so grand! Right now I’m reading John Green’s ‘The fault in our stars’ and somewhat active on pinterest.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,819 Reviews
It's not often I ask a writer for more details given my sparse writing style.
But this essay is extremely interesting, and I'd like to know more about you and your culture. My only critique, besides grammar which I completely understand, is to write more about the social life itself. For example, you can expand upon the social life in school, what it takes to be "popular" what it takes to garner attention and friendship, what's on-limits and what's off-limits in terms of conversation and jokes.
Thanx a lot . Please read my other two works.
Hi, AkankshaD!
Sometimes, life is not fair and this is not how the world works.
Don't give up on writing the things you love and keep spreading positive vibes and embark on a new heavely adventures and challenges! Stay inspired! 
Not much a review this time....
Your lines "Everyone keeps asking me what I want to pursue as my career (which I have myself not yet decided), my interests and my goals." It reminds me from the family gathering events I've had, celebrating Eid Mubarak (I'm a muslim). When I turned twenties and attending a big family gathering, they are always, always asking me a personal question which is annoys me and bothering me, such as "Are you in a relationship? Why don't you bring your boyfriend here, we would like to meet him...bla...bla...blaa..." and I just replied them that my BF is busy spending his time with his family, I mean I found it quite impolite and rude. Sometimes they keeps telling to other relatives and other families whether I would consider a marriage or not (wtf) it feels like I'm being forced to fulfill their wishes and decide my life goals. This is so wrong, life decisions are being fully-controlled by parents and the family. This is not their rights tho! Really a bat habit...
I could say.....we kinda have same situation here.
These conversation have became more like a culture when it comes to a family gathering, questioning career, interests and life goals, achievements / accomplishments. I understand how you feel right now and I'm so sorry to hear that, I feel you, dear
Thank you for sharing your piece!
Warm regards,
Aulyasela3597
Hey AkankshaD,
it is okay. Proof reading never hurts, though. And 'DON’THAVE ' I am sorry if you find me annoying, but mu OCD self cannot stop noticing that.
A teenager from India here.
I will be pointing out errors as I read your essay.
'amajor ' you missed to put a space.
Overall it is an alright essay. There is always room for improvement no matter who the writer is.
I am not a qualified writer or something, but I really like a good critic. Someone who has a positive impact on my writing. I would like to make a suggestion. Always listen to people advice, but it is up to you to be influenced by it. Take in the positive and chuck off the negatives.
Have fun writing Ankanksha! We have a lot of 'Akanksha' from you!!
Cheers!!
Alex Blackwell.
r u from India ?
Well, thanks for ur comment.
Hi Akansha,
I am also starting out as a young writer, and do not have much under my belt. I am also an Indian and I can understand the feeling. I do not have much knowledge about writing style, but I would like to advise you a few things:
1. Use a text editor with inbuilt dictionary and format check. Try using grammarly.com, this will help you in removing small errors like " I DON’THAVE A BOYFRIEND AND I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT !" -> 'DON'T HAVE' should have space. This will help you get better reviews as reviewers can focus more on intricate grammar rules and style instead of small errors that can be corrected using a simple word processing software.
2. "will advice you some or the other thing" -> 'Advice' here is a possibly confused word, and you seems to me that a verb should be used here - 'advise'. See the difference between advise and advice.
Example: -
Doctor advised me to take a few days off.
I never take doctor's advice seriously.
Hi Akansha,
I am also starting out as a young writer, and do not have much under my belt. I am also an Indian and I can understand the feeling. I do not have much knowledge about writing style, but I would like to advise you a few things:
1. Use a text editor with inbuilt dictionary and format check. Try using grammarly.com, this will help you in removing small errors like " I DON’THAVE A BOYFRIEND AND I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT !" -> 'DON'T HAVE' should have space. This will help you get better reviews as reviewers can focus more on intricate grammar rules and style instead of small errors that can be corrected using a simple word processing software.
2. "will advice you some or the other thing" -> 'Advice' here is a possibly confused word, and you seems to me that a verb should be used here - 'advise'. See the difference between advise and advice.
Example: -
Doctor advised me to take a few days off.
I never take doctor's advice seriously.
Hi Akansha,
I am also starting out as a young writer, and do not have much under my belt. I am also an Indian and I can understand the feeling. I do not have much knowledge about writing style, but I would like to advise you a few things:
1. Use a text editor with inbuilt dictionary and format check. Try using grammarly.com, this will help you in removing small errors like " I DON’THAVE A BOYFRIEND AND I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT !" -> 'DON'T HAVE' should have space. This will help you get better reviews as reviewers can focus more on intricate grammar rules and style instead of small errors that can be corrected using a simple word processing software.
2. "will advice you some or the other thing" -> 'Advice' here is a possibly confused word, and you seems to me that a verb should be used here - 'advise'. See the difference between advise and advice.
Example: -
Doctor advised me to take a few days off.
I never take doctor's advice seriously.
At last, someone from India!! Thanks for ur comment
Hey AkanshaD!
I really liked your piece especially since I'm able to relate a lot... well to the relatives part, and I think it's because I'm from Sri Lanka and I'm pretty sure we have similar cultures. Anyways I think you should maybe make a narrative out of this. Maybe a story about a girl going through puberty and lives in a very judgmental atmosphere.
I think someone mentioned this before me but I think you need to be more careful with your grammar and spacing of words. Also your paragraphs and making sure everything is cohesive, so the reader isn't too confused.
Hopefully if you do plan on making a narrative, it goes well.
znale1
hi znale1 from Sri Lanka! Thank You so much for the comment and I'm glad that you read this article and suggested me some important things. Keep boosting up my morale.
The thing that first caught my eye, and it is entirely wrong. No spaces before your commas. You write them as if they are part of the word which they follow.
"I’m not going to be philosophical or an optimist but I’m going to give you a short account of the teenage life in India."
Here you have quite a big sentence fragment. Before 'or,' and 'but' add commas.
Correct structure for this:
life(believe me ,a very major one ).
is:
life (believe me. A very major one).
You have many words that are stuck together. Many grammatical mistakes, so just make sure you properly edit before you post this piece.
thank you so much for the review and being honest. I'll be surely careful this time.