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Re: Sons of War
This was an interesting beginning and definitely drew me into the characters. The overall idea seemed a little cliche to me (I could practically guess what was going to happen); ...
Apr 6, 2007 -
Re: The Seal of Falaurin Chapter 1
This was quite good. Your writing style is beautiful, and your characterization is usually good. This may just be my opinion, but I feel that the story moved a little ...
Apr 6, 2007 -
Re: Draconian
Hallo! Welcome to YWS! This was very interesting - interesting idea to write from the perspective of the dragon. Royboy suggested you italicize or quote the dialogue; I agree. As ...
Apr 3, 2007 -
Re: Untitled- Chapter 1
Ooooh, this was quite good, very intriguing. You've set up your characters nicely and begun to develop them. I hope you write more of this; I'd like to know more ...
Apr 1, 2007 -
Re: The Line: Re-appearing (Chap 1)Unedited Version
Oooh, this was very nice. And very interesting. You asked for constructive criticism... so here I go. I am known for being very nitpicky, so the fact that I point ...
Mar 31, 2007 -
Re: The Difference Between Landmines and Time Bombs
Hey Shriek! I really enjoyed this. It was written in a very unique way - one I haven't seen much around here- but it was well-written and beautifully done. Your ...
Mar 30, 2007 -
Re: Black Feather Rising- Beggining of chapter 1
It seems the issue of grammar and such has already been brought up, so I get the fun job of giving you some impressions. I'd like to second all that ...
Mar 30, 2007 -
Re: Chasing Rainbows Chapter 1
Well, a lot of people have already said a lot of the things I noticed, but I'll help how I can. :) Firstly, this was very good. You really have ...
Mar 29, 2007 -
Re: Fool's Duel: It comes around
This was very interesting. Chilling, but fascinating. Good description; fast-paced during action sequences which is excellent. For the most part, good word choice. I like the way you made the ...
Mar 29, 2007 -
Re: Battlefield
I liked the concept of this and you had some very powerful language. For the most part, your rhyming flowed naturally and was not forced. I liked it. For the ...
Mar 28, 2007 -
Re: The Line: Re-Awakening
Interesting. You certainly have a fascinating land and your characters seem strong so far. This could be very interesting, but there is one thing that really killed this piece for ...
Mar 28, 2007 -
Re: Dragon Fire
This was good start; you have some good description and your character is quite realistic. I can't wait to see where this is going. So, here is what I am ...
Mar 27, 2007 -
Re: The Dragon Shield/ Chapter One (rewrite)
You have a good start here, but I feel like in the first paragraph, you just told me all about King Thane. If your intent was as Meep suggested, to ...
Mar 26, 2007 -
Re: Little Terrorists
This was pretty good. Your description of action sequences is very crisp and good (which I admire. I am awful at writing actions sequences), and the way you set up ...
Mar 24, 2007 -
Re: The Rural Ruins
As DQ mentioned, this needs to be divided into paragraphs. I understand this is a rough draft, but it is extremely aggravating to read this piece if it is not ...
Mar 24, 2007
