Vampy_Girl15

Well, I like the plot but this is too short to be a chapter. Now if this is only part of chapter one it's okay but I did find a ...

I liked the detail you put into this but it's a bit short. Maybe add something to the beginning. If this is just a short story then I like the ...

Well most people got the grammar mistakes I found. ^.^ I thought this went a little fast. Maybe stretch it out a bit with more discription. I got a little ...

The only mistakes I saw were a few typos. Nothing really big. Once you re-read it I'm sure you'll catch them. This is a good plot. I'm excited to read ...

Whoa! I wasn't expecting the ending. This was great. It had lots of suspense. I also loved you vocabulary. :D I see the date you posted this was about 3 ...

I loved this as much as part 1! Although this part tells you more about Vienna, but that's okay because this is all chapter 1. I'm liking Chase! I can ...

Yay! I like these kinds of stories! I would have done the same thing about Gavin. He was such a jerk! Okay putting that aside; I loved the detail you ...

All I really have to say is watch your grammar, spelling, and tenses. Sometimes you'll mix something up and it gets confusing. Next time you post just re-read it to ...

It's a bit unrealistic. Why would she break up with him if she still loved him? And I don't think he'd be to happy with her if she just broke ...

Wow, lost of supense. I love it. I've been waiting for you to write more. :D I really like the fact that Cameron gets really protective in this. It shows ...

I would have liked to see you use stanzas. Everyone else got all the mistakes I saw. The topic you picked is very original. I liked it. :D Keep writing. ...

All I really noticed was your spelling mistakes. Just check over stuff before you post it. USe spell check, that's what I do. Other than spelling I like this. :D ...

I don't think this should be a chapter by itself. It's too short. Maybe make it part of chapter 1 or part of chapter 2. It was good. I loved ...

I liked the discripitve words you used. :D I'm a sucker for great vocaulary. I liked the message you were sending. Like Andrea said, it's something people relate to. Great ...

This is really the only thing I noticed: 'The last in its row, locker number 399 seemed different than normally.' It just doesn't sound right. Maybe say something like. 'The ...