Vampirewolf3

There are quite a bit of random symbols in your writing. What's up with that, huh? Huh?

She had cuts and bruises everywhere and her eyes were so dry from the fall that she didn’t want to open them. I don't see how eyes are dry from ...

Sure, I don't see why not. *Note: Changed some spelling/grammar errors*

Hunterzero is right. I looked it over, and I changed all the mistakes that I found. Thanks! :D

OK. Just one more thing. I like how the story is developed, but try putting more emphasis on Sarah's child-ish-ness.

Vampire stories are good. First person vampire stories are better. Do me a favor and write more. (It was impossible to find flaw in your writing.)

The snow was blinding, wolf howled into the darkness from a distance, commemorating the return of Korin. Try "wolves."

I think that the only resemblance to a Zeus story would be the word "Titans." How do you think the descriptions could be "rephrased?"

Please accept my dearest apologies from the deepest of my heart...if it hasn't already been removed through surgical means and that I am currently living in a mirage.

Quite a long story! I loved it. However, I fail to imagine thieves banding together with militia...it's slightly too fantasy-ical.

Tricky, tricky. But still very, very good. when you do a conversation, the quotes are usually double quotes. Like this: " It's all up to you I guess, but just ...

Pretty good, just try to make the story slower (a bit). Running away from home doesn't go that quickly. I've never tried it, but I assume some thought goes in ...

There is a dire need for commas in the entire story. Try breaking sentences up into smaller ones. Read all about it! Read all about it! Comma shortage hits city! ...

Friendly reminder : To make something italic , highlight it (or select it, whatever you call it), then hit the button at the top that says " i ."

This story is good, but plot and descriptions could be rephrased. How so?