Published November 10, 2006
PROLOUGE
________________________________
Jazz sat on the docks of Queshek, rapped in a cloak, pretending to sleep. She was disguised as a homeless person, waiting for the guard to leave. She had wrapped a old cloak about her and slapped some mud on herself. The cold January night's chill made her shiver, but she bit her cheek and waited. The guard was a young man, about twenty, the moon showed his face to be clean shaven but that was all Jazz could see. She shifted and looked for Xizor. The tall raven haired girl was supposed to come and draw the guard away so that Jazz could check the prices for docking, she needed to dock and get supplies. She knew that he'd head for the roughest waters.....
Jazz bit her lip to keep from jumping as Xizor stumbled onto the docks in her heavy boots from behind a nearby barrel.
She had put on such heavy eyeliner that even in the moonlight Jazz could see her deep brown eyes that often seemed to be laughing. Xizor was the funniest person Jazz knew, next to Colt.
Recovering herself Xizor strutted up to the guard, who's eyes seemed to pop out from his head. Xizor took advantage of this and put on a smile and made use of her hips. "Can you tell me were I can go to warm up?"
Xizor said putting a hand on the guard’s shoulder, Jazz bit back a laugh. The guard looked about to wet himself, at first he could only stutter but Xizor simply stood and let him recover. When he did he put on what Jazz was sure he thought was a stunningly handsome smile and put out a arm.
"Just follow me." Yes! Jazz thought as they headed out of the gates separating the town and the docks, Xizor swinging her hips and laughing at everything he said. Jazz scrambled up, glad to be off the cold and wet wood. She rushed over to the podium by the gates with a groan, her arm had fallen asleep, she opened the thick leather book. For her size ship it would cost three coppers....
She bit her lip, knowing that unless she was giving up she'd have to do it. And giving up wasn't her style.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
One coper=five dollars
Xizor (Egs-eor)
Ramoth (Ram-Oth)
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,831 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
UPDATE: So far it's going awesome, about 4 pages! Not including proluge
UPDATE: I will be possting the prolouge soon!
Only one name has changed, jAzz is now jEzz....
UPDATE:
Writers block gone! Yay! And I have found a plot that works...today I wrote 4 almost 5 pages! To subit FAQ's about my books please PM me!
That's ecacitaly what I plan to do. But I'm waiting for my creativity to return.........For some reason I have MAJOR writters block! I've listened to all of my music, looked at a bunch of art.....but nothing helps! So far I have 3 storys on my desk top that are going no were, two fantesy's and one real life..........
Ok - The main thing that strikes me from all of you work is the shortness, from this I can only infer the pacing. I dont believe you know where you are going with this do you?
Sit down and map out your characters, plot and world where it is taking place, form another plot from this and stick to it. You could benifit from plotting.
All Right,but hurry!!
Lanna
Update: I am working on this and plan to re-post it when I think it's ready so try to pace yourselfs.....LOL
Your welcome,Stars.
Tanks alanna!
excellent!!!
Some what irritated at the girl's lack of manners Nara picked up her rag and plastered on a smile. Before she could greet her a handsome young man with blonde hair came in behind her, gave her a look that suggested he was irritated with her too and came up to the counter. "I need nine rooms." He said with a apologetic look, Nara nodded and retrieved a large black book from under the counter. It held records of what rooms were being rented out and payment. Scanning the list she saw only eight rooms were available. "Sorry, only eight...." She said putting the book back. He looked over at the girl who was looking at the paper with wide eyes before nodding. "We'll take them." Nara smiled, "That'll be eight silvers."
While he counted it out she took the opportunity to look at the girl, she was looking at the paper with wide eyes. her feet were crossed over each other as she leaned on the counter. Nara wondered who she was. Her cloths, though nice, were dirty and her black sweater hung fairly loosly on her. Nara was jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of Silvers. With a smile she took them and put them in the box that was locked into the wall. She then retrieved the keys for the rooms and handed them to the boy, then got the book out again and put down the rooms in use before looking at the boy. "I need your names." He gave a weary smile before reciting them. "Jazzera, Colton, Tom-cat, Talon, Wedge, Ven, Nerf, Quinia and Buck." Nara was surprised at the names given, they sounded more like nicknames that real names but she tried not to let it show. "Take the stairs up, room numbers are on the keys. Bathrooms upstairs as well."
The boy gave a grateful nod. "Let's go get everyone Jazz."
He said looking at the girl, she looked up with jolt. Nara could tell she was processing what he had said, it took a moment but when she did she nodded and straightened. But hesitated...
"Can I take this?"
She asked holding up the paper. Nara nodded, even her voice was odd. It was like she was barking a order. The girl gave a small smile and fallowed the boy out. Nara was now quite alone.
****************************************************
"It has to be Ramoth!"
Jazz said running to keep up with Colt, wich was a task as the streets were crowded with shoppers. Even though she couldn't see his head she knew by his rigid back that he was annoyed with her. He had been since breakfast when she had asked if they really wanted to give up. She though it a fair queston but the crew seemed to think otherwise, Tom-cat stuck with her but she could tell she was close to breaking point. Even though she had only asked three or four times! "Drop it Jazz!"
Colt called over his shoulder, slowing a little. She sped up a bit and drew even with him.
"C'mon! Who else would put up his flags that plainly stated he was trouble, march right up to the gates without even trying to hide his identidy?"
She asked waving the paper in his face.
"Jazz! ENOUGH!"
Colt suprised, even scared her, as he stopped dead in his tracks and wirled to face her. Eyes narrowed, teeth clenched,Blue eyes snapping with angery energy.
"Just cool it."
He hissed giving her one last glare before stalking off again. Jazz huffily fallowed him, she was the captain but sometimes the crew over rode her. Geez, what's up his butt?
She thought, carful to stay out of his eye sight but close enough so as she didn't get lost.
______________________________________________________________
Not done!
Silvers = 1 dollar
Aha! Thanks a mill Shaf! Helped alot...
Hi Krys!
Many apologies for not getting around to this sooner!
Who's speaking?
You mean "Jazzera?" Otherwise, why would it be Jazz instead of Jezz? And after you say her full name once, I'd suggest going back to "Jazz" so you don't confuse the reader.
Redundancy! You can just give Colt a beat (small action) and have him speak his line. His line says it all.
Good characterization in this paragraph, but the point of view is somewhat inconsistent. It's Tom-cat's point of view, right?
You need more paragraphing. Every time someone new speaks, a new paragraph starts.
"Breaking," not "braking." (By the way, the spelling's much better!
Long sentence; try a semicolon after "smile back" for an easier read.
She lifted the grate with her fingernails? That must not be a heavy grate.
This is a very big run-on sentence. I'd really suggest starting a new sentence somewhere in there or at least using a dash or a semicolon.
Try taking out "he was" for a tighter read.
Remember the punctuation rules for dialogue! It's supposed to be:
"I know," came Jazz's worn-out voice.
You can delete "at the last part."
You don't need the ..... Just use a period.
Do you mean she gnaws on her hands? Is she self-abusive?
"Wedge" is capitalized.
Too many run-on sentences!
Either call him Colton or Colt for consistency's sake.
You can do better than this. What does she do when she's startled? Describe the questioning look for better characterization.
You say "hurt" a lot. Can you change it?
Who says this?
AUGH!
Too much telling instead of showing. Show Colt's personality in action.
Correct the punctuation in the dialogue. Commas, not periods!
And that is all I have time for. Sorry! Hopefully I'll be back later for more. See ya!
Cheers! ~Shafter
Nara stood at the pub of the green leaf whipping it down. She had just started her shift, it was noon and already the town of Qushek was abuzz. People were out shopping at the trader's market, which had come into town just yesterday, many of them were staying in the green leaf. Nara knew they were not the best people to hang about but when drunk enough would pay large amounts, and when not drunk told marvolus stories about their "adventures" at sea. Most of them made up but entertaining all the same, and if there was a good enough story in the paper they would talk for hours about how they had somehow been involved in it.......
Nara looked out the window with a sigh, sunlight streamed into the cabin like first floor of the pub. The cozy arm chairs and books by the fire looked inviting, but Nara needed this job to work.
She and her brother, Thor, Were left to their uncle after their parents were killed. At first it had worked out well, but it got harder as Thor and Nara got older. Their Uncle couldn't take it and started drinking, now he rarely even talked to them except to yell at them. Most of the time Thor got it the worst, because he was oldest and in the army so he was expected to carry a heavier work load. But he was a good sport and brother, today he had promised to stop by for at least awhile. Nara jumped as the door slammed open, dropping the rag she was holding. With a groan she picked it up and came up to find a large girthed man with a round, bull dog like man with sparkling blue eyes. "OY! Nara!" He shouted, his voice booming through the small room. "lookie here!" He said comming over to sit and slamming a news paper down on the counter. "Hey george.." Nara responded looking at what he had just slammed down. At first she saw nothing...then.........
PIRATES RUMORED TO BE COMING TO QUESHEK!
Yesterday royal officals arrived at the King's place to warn of a possible danger. One week ago Pirates raided the kingdom of Islidon on the northern edge of the land, they were spotted afterwards heading south. Possibly for more raids, so Queshek is now on alert. Any suspisous persons are to be reported to officals. King Othmear has put extra gaurds on patrol, Most of them in port. (Continued on page 4)
It was small but packed a wallop, the last Pirate raid had happened more than thirty years ago. It had taken over one hundred lives and distroyed Queshek. It had taken an additional 10 years for the town to recover, and even longer for people to come to grips with the fact that life would probably never return to the normal they had once known.…
Although things did improve and now a memorial was held every year and life was returning to the way it used to be.
Nara looked up at George wide eyed, "You really think....that....but..." She stammered putting down her rag and sitting on a stool across from him. He nodded.
"No lies, me best mate was over there when it 'appened. He was one of the people that rode with the royal officials to bear witness." With a sigh Nara picked up the paper and scanned it.
That article was the only one worth looking at, she hopped that Lilly and Caleb came soon.
Lilly and Caleb were the children of the king, Caleb and Thor worked together and soon became friends. That was how Nara and Lilly met, Lilly and her brother now occasionally visited the pub during quiet hours, often times falling asleep. But Nara always woke them up so that they didn't get in trouble with their father.
They were both struggling to get along with him, their mother had died some time ago and it was showing. Now Caleb lived in a room above another pub, Lilly denied it very time but Nara knew it was a matter of time before she left as well.
"It's a shame......."
She said recovering.
"Who would do such a thing?"
George simply shrugged.
"Well, I best be off. Ye can keep that paper."
George said getting up, Nara waved as he headed back out.
But the silence wasn't around for long; Nara was given a second scare moments later as a girl with flaming red hair burst in.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now you can comment!
Ok. I'll try
Friendly reminder: To make something italic, highlight it (or select it, whatever you call it), then hit the button at the top that says "i."
CHAPTER 2
________________________________________
"Three coppers....it's a lot but oh' well." Murmurs went about the small kitchen hold. Tom-cat sat in a corner by the table, watching the ship's captain, Jezzera, pace. The whole crew, about five people, sat watching as she explained what had happened and what was about to happen. "Jazz...what if we waited awhile and saved some money? I mean we could all get jobs.." Wedge had spoken from his seat beside the door, the skinny man had said it gently but Jazz acted as though he had snapped an order at her. "No! Ramoth could get away by the time we save up enough." She snapped stopping long enough to glare at him. The crew exchanged looks of boredom, they had been doing this for two years and it was wearing on them all. Here lately more fights were braking out, and they normally worked well together. Seeing that the crew was tired Colt took the reins . "Jazz, the crew's tired...." He gave her a "We need to talk" look and stood up. She stopped and with a defeated sigh nodded at the crew, they murmured good nights and went to their quarters for the night. On her way by Tom-cat gave what she hoped was a encouraging smile. Jazz merely nodded and Colt gave a weak smile back, Tom-cat wanted to hear what they were discussing so she headed to the deck with the rest and waited until they were safely in their quarters before slipping over to the grate that was directly over the kitchen. With a glance around her she gently slid her fingernails under the grate and lifted it up, she could now see that Jazz had seated herself at the table with Colt across from her, Colt was talking. "Jazz, you know as well as I do that this wearing on everyone." From her position Tom-cat could only see Colt's face, he was wearing a worried frown. "I know." Came Jazz's worn out voice. "I know. It's just I'm so close!" At the last part she slammed a fist onto the table. Colt didn't even flinch.....
"Jazz, this is unhealthy. I know how bad he hurt you but look at you! Your not sleeping, barely eating and your hands are ripped up from all the knawing you do!" He responded, leaning closer. Jazz was quiet.
"I'm with wedge. I think it's time for a break."
With that he stood up and walked to the stairs, Tom-cat replaced the grate as quietly and fast as possible then stood up and went to lean over the railing. Hoping it would look as though she was simply enjoying the view and thinking, she heard Colton come up the stairs and tried to put on a dreamy look.
"You ok?" She gave a startled look and turned to Colt. he was standing with a questioning look. She nodded and gave a smile, with a sigh he put an arm around her shoulders.
"What do you think?" he asked.
"About?"
"Jazzy's rampage."
With a frown she looked out at the waters, calm in the clear night. It was true that all this non-stop travel and constant investigation of every piece of land was wearing on everyone but there was a piece of her that, like Jazz, wanted to catch Ramoth and make him suffer for the hurt he had caused. He and Jazz were best friends and when he betrayed her for a treasure map that probably wasn't real it had hurt everyone.....
It had caused tension between friends, moodiness and hurt.
But no one was hurt as bad as Jazz. At first she kept herself isolated, and stayed in her hammock, under the covers. But soon her grief turned to rage and she vowed revenge.....
She hadn't stopped looking since then. And it was causing strain on everyone, mostly her.
"I think it's time for a break."
At that moment both she and Colt jumped as Jazz stomped up the stairs and stormed into quarters at the other end of the ship.
"She knows I'm right."
Colt said giving Tom-cat a squeeze. She just yawned in reply.
"Night." Colt said giving Tom-cat a gentle shove toward quarters.
"What about you?"
She asked taking a step.
"I need to think."
He didn't need to say anymore, Colt was often spontaneous but when it came to big things he thought most of them through....if he had the time. If not he jumped in, often times ending up in trouble.
But Tom-cat knew that she loved him and that would never change.
************************************************
Jazzera lay on her hammock fuming.
How dare he!
She thought angrily, all she wanted was to find Ramoth.
Make him pay then they could get on with their lives.....
But no. They were bored, how that could happen she didn't know.
Hoping it would help she let out a sigh, amazingly her anger ebbed. I guess he was just trying to help......
It was true that he had always looked after her like a brother would, but they were both stubborn. And that often got in the way.
Feeling better, Jazzera rolled onto her stomach. She lay for a few moments thinking. About how it would feel to just take a break, relax and let her hair down. Maybe...
Sleep started to cloud her mind but she didn't want to sleep. But the ship's rocking motion soon took over and Jazzera fell into unconsciousness.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I do hope this is better... I tried to pay attention to paragraphs and did spell check.
I just fixed it!
*happy dance* Now read it...
Spelling errors in writing is like...hm (pauses to think, then falls asleep). Oh yes, flies. Little, tiny things that are somehow extremely annoying.
"So annoying, yet so little!" screamed the frustrated editor, "How is it possible!"
As those other people said before...SPELLING. Sometimes it gets annoying when reading something that has so many spelling errors. Like so:
"Bob had too filll in te blak or else he wold get a F."
-I'm exaggerating, but still..
-Plus, isn't it kind of hard to read it?
JUST A SUGGESTION
Yeah! Thanks shaf! BTW, I like nicknames! Specaly mine...
(Spelling on purpose...)
As for the boring chapter...sorry about that but the next one will reviel more.
A semicolon is one of these things ; ; ; ; ; ; ;
You italicize by putting and i and then an /i in brackets, like this, except you don't put spaces between the brackets and the i's.
[ i ] Where am I going? [ /i ]
Make sense?
I'll go back and fix this stuff when I have time. Um.....what's a semicolon? And how the heack to I italsize?
Salutations, Krys!
I promised I'd be back to edit your first chapter, so here I am!
Regarding the comment that you should take out your prologue: Of course it's up to you; just remember that if you have a prologue, your prologue AND your first chapter have to have killer hooks. Sometimes editors or agents just skip the prologue and go straight to chapter one. Just something for you to keep in mind.
Again, love your names. They're so unique.
Try to avoid the phrase "gave (something)." "He shivered" is stronger.
Semicolon or period after "shiver."
Take out the quotes around "The pillager," capitalize "Pillager," and italicize both words.
Who are "they"?
Do you mean Jazz will swim back after thirty minutes is up, or that it will take her thirty minutes to swim there?
Semicolon or period after "jacket."
Where is she? he wondered. She had left one hour ago.
Clumsy wording here. How about something more like, "His thoughts were interupted when his sister climbed the steps from the hold's kitchen, a mug in each hand."
Show, don't tell! You can bring out these details through dialogue, through little bits of description here and there. Don't pour it on the reader all at once!
"Black" is not capitalized.
"Striped," not "stripped." Do they have t-shirts in this world?
Instead of all these unnecessary "she said"s, why don't you replace them with beats (small actions)? For instance:
"She back?" She handed Colt a steaming mug. ... "It's Wedge's famous hot cocoa." She took a sip.
See what I mean?
"Thanks, Tom-Cat." Colt gave her a one-armed hug. She smiled and leaned into it.
Do we find out her real name?
Put a new paragraph after "into it."
Guess what you should put after "ship" instead of a comma?
Two "over"s.
You seem to be characterizing both Jazz and Xizor through their eyeliner... maybe pick just one of them to characterize this way. Also, this would be a good place to describe Jazz more, since it's from Colt's point of view.
Here's my suggestion:
"Too bad you guys aren't up here. Wedge made cocoa." He took a long melodramatic sip and sighed in satisfaction.
Jazz's eyes narrowed.
...Colt grabbed the rope. "Help me out, Tom."
Comma after "groaning."
Do you mean "shivering"? Trembling usually implies fear.
"Colt" should be capitalized.
"She and Colt..." I think. Not sure about that...
Much too wordy. Cut out all those words you don't need.
"What?" he said with a grin.
Girls', not girl's.
"response"
"cocky"
"their"
This seems a little too modern and cliched. Can you think up something more original?
My main complaint with this scene is that it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. You need to give the reader some sense of what's going on. Are there underlying tensions? Is this daily routine (if so, why is it different)? Was their mission successful?
But it is a good start, especially that you have some characters developing. I'm eager to see where you go with this.
See ya!
Cheers! ~Shafter
I dunno, I think the prolouge is the hook.
Basically, dump the prologue in its entirity. You don't need it. Let me jump straight into the story, not jump into a bog of waffle. It's pretty simple. Keep what you need, lose what you don't.
Thank you all for the wonderful tips, I will be working on these chapters for a while so keep checking back. As for some of my "Carless mistakes." Well....I have reading glasses...and lost them.....and this is tiny writing.....
But just point them out and I'll try to fix them.
You got me in it right!!!
Hi, Krys! (Sorry-- I love to give people nicknames.
First of all, I think this has a lot of potential. I like the names; they help define the characters. I want to know what Jazz is doing and who Ramoth is.
Editor that I am, the spelling and punctuation mistakes got in the way, but once you get rid of those it'll be much better. Almost all of the spelling mistakes can be caught through spell-check.
I like the name "Jazz." It's offbeat and full of personality.
"Rapped" should be "wrapped."
"disguised"
Take out "cold." You already say "chill," and January nights are generally cold.
There are two "bit"s.
"guard"
You should probably put a semicolon after "twenty" instead of a comma.
Is the guard important as a person or as a guard? If he's there simply for the fact that he's a guard, I'd suggest describing his uniform instead of his face.
Ooh, cool name.
Needs a period after "docking."
"supplies"
Whoa... WAY too much exposition right off the bat. You need to show this through scenes, flashbacks, conversations, memories, anything. But don't just dump all the imformation on the reader at once. Draw it out; make them wonder how she got the scar above her eye, why she acts the way she does, etc.
Does Jazz already know her eye color? If so, leave out that detail. Try focusing more on the dress, the way she's walking, how she's trying to catch the guard's eye.
New sentence after "head." Or use a semicolon.
"direction" "total"
Should be punctuated: "...of a warm pub?" she asked sweetly...
Do you want her being ditzy? How about flirty? Seductive?
New paragraph.
"Come with me, m'lady," he said, putting out an arm. Xizor...
How about "giggled" instead of "let out a fake giggle"?
"Latched on"-- fun image.
Period or semicolon after "docked."
You only need three dots in an elipse.
Good, good... she has a quest here. Essential to any story.
That's all I have time for now, I'll be back later to edit the first chapter.
Cheers!
~Shafter
This needs to be split up into paragraphs first of all. I've taken the liberty of cutting it up a little for the sake of readability.
Red = Replacement
Blue = Comments
You have some good ideas and your characters seem good, I think you just need to get your sentences and spelling right. Practice showing the reader rather then telling. I may get back to look at the first chapter later. Hope this was helpful.
I like it, no matter how many spelling errors there are, but, I agree with Vampirewolf3 that they are important.
I don't know. I think "pretending to be asleep" kinda'-sorta' sounds better.
Yup.
Seems awkward to describe her in this...form. Characters are usually described when they are seen. I beleive that "supplys" is spelled "supplies."
"Eyueliner": I'm not sure but I think that was just a careless error.
"Advantege" is spelled advantage.
"Tottal" should probably be spelled "total."
"Untill" is spelled "until."
Also, I think you give things away too fast. The plot should be kept with a tinge of secrecy.
You can be assured that I will be goin on with this! Thank you for the critic.....I didn't see the spell check button but I will use that now that I have found it.
Hey again,
First off, there are a number of spelling mistakes in this. Before you post, use the Spell Check button and correct any misspellings. Also there are no paragraphs. Every time a different character speaks, there should be a paragraph, and every time a new idea starts there should be one.
Those things aside, I think the sentences were well structured and written. Your characterization is effective, and your story is so far well developed.
I'd like to see where you go with this.
CHAPTER 1
_____________________________________________________________
Colton Ryd shivered, he was standing at the rail of his ship The Pillager Waiting for the captain, the crew was just far enough from the mainland that no one would pay much attention but close enough that Jazz could swim back to the ship in about thirty minutes. After a few moments the cold began to seep through Colt's thick cattle skin jacket; he began to pace to try and ward off the cold. Were is she? He wondered, she had left one hour ago. His thoughts were interrupted by his sister coming from the kitchen's hold with two mugs. She was a pretty girl with short brown hair, olive completion and petite build. The complete opposite of himself, he had shaggy blonde hair, blue eyes and sharp face. He was also very muscular and had no accent, unlike his sister who had a thick Assyrian accent. The only thing they shared was the blue eyes. Tonight she was clad in a thick Black jacket, Striped tee and brown breaches. "She back?..........It's wedge's hot coco." She added handing Colt a steaming mug. "Thanks Tom-cat." Colt said giving her a one armed hug, she simply smiled and leaned into it.
"Hello!" Tom-cat and Colt both jumped at the voice coming from the side of the ship; they rushed to the side and looked over. Jazz and Xizor were treading water looking rather disheveled. Xizor's eyeliner was running, making her look like she had been socked. Jazz's was running too but she had whipped most of it and the mud off; her red hair floated around her making her look like a mermaid. With a smirk Colt leaned on the side of the ship and looked down at the two. "Too bad you guys aren’t up here. Wedge made coco." He said taking melodramatic sip from his mug, Jazz's eyes narrowed.
Colt continued. "It's just so warm....and chocolaty..." Jazz rolled her eyes and shouted up at him, "Get us up!" With one last smirk Colt grabbed a rope. "help me out Tom." She nodded and grabbed the end of the rope behind Colt, who tossed it over board. With plenty of groaning, Xizor landed on the deck. She was trembling from the cold, Tom-cat grabbed a towel that she and colt had brought out an hour ago and wrapped her up. Jazz was the next one to land but she scrambled up as soon as she hit the deck floor, her black sweater was soaked and her breeches too. Her bare feet were drained of all color as was her face, making the scar that ran from the top of her eyebrow to a little below her eye stand out even more. She had whipped most of the mud from her face, her intense green eyes stood out like beacons. She too was trembling but didn't seem to care, with a frown she punched Colt on the arm.
"What?" He said with a grin.
Her face went into a fake anger. "You know." Her voice was controlled and taunting. With a small smile she grabbed Colt's hot chocolate and a towel and stalked off to the girls' quarters to change. Tom-cat, Colt and Xizor did what they always did in response to Jazz's cocky manner. They rolled their eyes...
Tom-cat then led Xizor off to get changed and Colt headed to the kitchen were the crew was waiting.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Assyrin accent= portarican sounding
Yes shaf, there are tee shirts in this world...