Twit

Good first person. I'm biased in favour of first person, so it's nice to see you branching. :) As to the endings... The first ending showed the fact of Ms ...

Pretty, but perhaps a little too ambiguous? I don't know. I really liked how it sounded, but because I'm dumb with poetry, I'd say to be clearer about what you ...

Yes, space it out. Leave a line between each paragraph and each bit of dialogue. Remember to always review more work than you put up. Rate stuff for swearing. And ...

You look beautiful when you’re sleeping… but especially when you’re having a nightmare. You have a beautiful scream, has anyone ever told you that? :lol: Nasty. I havn't read the ...

It's pretty good, if rushed, for a prologue. Leave a line between each paragraph. If you're full breed, you burn and if you're half breed you get sunburnt really easy. ...

Pretty. :) The ryhming could go better in places. A mystery, never quite been solved Rolls hauntingly through ones head The thoughtful mind conjures theories abroad Never letting one sleep ...

Hello. :D Just in case you think I'm a newcomer, I've been on the forums and posted a bit a while back. I took a hiatus for a while, but ...

Very good! It got me interested, and kept me reading right to the end. Esme and Fye got all the errors, so all I can do now is say how ...

What are the rules governing cinquains? As I don't know how they work, I thought this was a touch... flat? Happy, bright, ripe feeling. Change this, I think. Berries, Red, ...

... And quite apart from Sureal's points, you need to space it out. Text Chi and all that. Leave a line between each paragraph. It would be good to add ...

Ah, this is the first part of the other bit I read? Well, good! :D “It’s my mum! Hurry! She is in dire need of a doctor! Her pulse is ...

Well, there wasn't much to crit to start with, and now there's even less. :) I liked it, but felt there could be more to it. But no, flash fic, ...

Oh, sad. :( This was very good! I didn't see anything to be corrected, except maybe the first line. It was a dreary day at Hallows Wharf. Extremely nitpicky here, ...

Pretty good! Some of the ryhming didn't go quite right, like here: The raindrops fall this year, The fleeting afternoons are the colours in a fleeting bubble. Blue skies don't ...

Like Razor said... Welcome and paragraphs! I tried being the greatest but god had already taken that. I tried being the worst but the devil beet me to it. God ...