Published October 20, 2007
Berries,
Red, purple,
Full of colour,
Happy, bright, ripe feeling.
Fruit.
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Please tell me what you think and i will take all of yoru tips and comments into my next one. Thanks. X
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Oh, but was this an exercise in cinquians, or an exercise in berries? Either way, I'd experiment with either cinquians, or berry-poetry, to see what happens.
It is nice. By saying "ripe feeling" do you mean that the berries feel physically ripe, or thay transmit a sense of "ripeness" along with the happiness which I think you are saying they convey? If it's the former, I think I'd try, "Ripe-feeling." I'm not altogetehr sure about this line as a whole, it seems a little ambiguous. I also think "Fruit" at the end was a let-down. Maybe try something a little more abstract?
Overall, I liked this, feeling it to be vivid, and you managed the form with ease.
This cinquain is rather cute.
Fye.
What are the rules governing cinquains? As I don't know how they work, I thought this was a touch... flat?
Change this, I think.
... I liked this.