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Hi cbunny! First off, spacing! Spacing is very important, especially on the internet, cause having a huge chunk of text like you’ve got here doesn’t look very welcoming. Leave a ...

Hey Amberla! I know I shouldn’t, but I miss you still. I know what I chose, but I long to hold you still. The rhythm of the second line doesn’t ...

Heylo drashet! First off, spelling: Arrows flew through the air, and the sound of metal and scale clashing could be heard throught the battlefeild Should be throughout and battlefield . ...

Hi Izzy! I walk along the silent winter lane, Hands in denim pockets, nostrils wide , Really not liking the "nostrils wide". Talking about nostrils is odd at the best ...

Yo Aqua! Thanks for requesting. ^_^ I first saw the boy nine summers ago. I was slinking around the corner of The House after a rat. I could smell the ...

Heylo Soulkana! Shifting the eggs she whispers, tearfully, "Onee-sama, I can't replace you...I can't do this without you." Is she talking to herself? This seems a little odd. As she ...

Hi Misfit! Digging the Poe quote at the beginning, though it is a tad long. ^_^ To post a link to a topic, you just take the URL that’s in ...

Yo Schnoink! So, Le Famous Freak. ^_^ I've read some of it before--I remember the bit about the rugs--though that was a different version and it started with the headmistress ...

Hello! First off, I like your username. ^_^ Bartleby the Scrivener? It was freezing cold. Snow piled high. Night approached. Not liking so many titchy sentences so close together, especially ...

Hello! Diabolos had had enough of the demons pathetic threats and thrust his arm towards her. You’re missing an apostrophe. Like a massive hand had bulldozed into her stomach, she ...

Hi! First off, kudos on a very catchy title. ;) This was well written and all, but I'm not sure what the significance of Hannah pooping was? The beginning, with ...

Hi! The words echo in my ears, refusing to leave yet I couldn’t believe them. No, it wasn’t true-it couldn’t be. Mother would never do that. I think you could ...

Hello soccer9! Your narrative here is very good. It has a nice flow to it, and the characters really comes through; there’s a great sense of voice. It’s your plot ...

Hello Lauren! I saw your post in my Feed, so I'm sorry this has taken a while to get to. I had an essay plan deadline. >_< Stand in front ...

Hello! I changed the rating to a 16+, because you have a strong swear in here. Always try to remember to rate works if they have anything rateable in. ^_^ ...