Trident

My first thought was that this was going to be an angst story, but you put enough realism into it that it wasn't. There was less bitching than actual action ...

All right, I'll try to get around the major points while looking at some minor. “You’re not human…are you?” I don't think that ellipses is necessary in that case. I ...

You need to be patient Lycan. People do have lives outside of this site. Plus NaNo is going on right now, so the writers here are spending less time critiquing ...

Okay, I liked the idea, it was something that could happen to anyone, and it was kinda creepy. Numbers should be written out so it should be five. Times are ...

Incan, even you modesty has an air of vanity to it. :P Okay at first I didn't realize why this story was in the science fiction section and then I ...

Hey Vampirewolf. I'll just touch on the basics here. The first paragraph is what is known as an info-dump. It is kind of boring for the reader as there is ...

Chuff, you didn't sound arrogant at all, so don't apologize. It was posted here so she could get a critique. For me, this story was really an exercise in bad ...

For some reason, your narrator reminds me a bit of a flapper-- adventurous, feminine, wild and daring. If that's not your intention, then just ignore me. :P I loved it ...

Okay DD, I've started reading The Chair. It's late, so I've only read the prologue and chapter one, so hopefully I can get to the rest soon. I tried to ...

Meh, I don't know. The concept seems a bit... meh. I think I would have to see the way in which the power was used before I could make my ...

I normally don't comment on poetry, but I felt that this poem was particularily well done. It looks like it's been dug up from a while back, so I hope ...

Well done, your work flows very well. The ending was maybe a bit predictable in that he passed out. It just seems a bit cliche. Nonetheless, it was well executed. ...

Okay, pivot, I'm going to say this is markedly improved from your last piece, whcih really made no sense. I actually see a story this time, so I applaud you ...

I like the premise. It was executed a bit poorly for me. In the first paragraph you use the word "thing" twice and in the second paragraph you use "something" ...

To start off, might I suggest that your first line go here: Okay, this prologue is terrible. The emotional scenery that Griffinkeeper mentioned is particularily bad. A character feeling nothing? ...