Tabithalillian

This, blew my mind! You are on fire kid! This narrative was everything I look for in novels/chapters on this site. You have a very strong voice in this piece. ...

Okay so your pace is like 1000 miles an hour in this story. In the first chapter they are just waking up and having breakfast, and it's one more day ...

Okay, so as I am currently working on a story about a tust-tube baby myself I was really exciting to find another scifi piece on here in a similar area ...

It was a girl’s voice; no boy could ever scream like that. And she sounded scared. I think you need a comma here and not a period. It was a ...

So I really enjoyed your use of a cliffhanger. If the intro to the piece didn't catch my attention then I wanted to know more about this story by the ...

[qupte] letting my shoes barely touch the water's surface.[/quote] The way this is phrased sounds kind of forced. "Barely letting my shoes touch the water's surface." It's all about the ...

This story, or introduction to the story, was actually quite well written. It flowed nicely (excuse the water pun!) and caught my attention. I understand that it was a kind ...

Hi there! Happy review day! Well I reviewed part two before I read part one and here I am! I won't be doing much grammar this time mostly story based ...

Hi there! So when I first came across this I realized how long it was, and I'm not gonna lie. I was a little apprehensive about reading it. But you ...

Hi! A review just in time for review day! So i'm going to start out with the positive and there was a lot of positive in this piece. Your voice ...

Hi there! Your style is actually nicely developed and pretty mature! I know what I was 13 I definitely did not write like that. This work has a nice flow ...

Hi! I really liked this piece and saw only a few flaws. So lets start off with the critique. The one thing that stuck out to me while reading this ...

Hey Comre! I'll start out by saying how compelling this was. I just had to finish it even though it was long. But who am I kidding I love a ...

Hey Anmarie! I'm here to write you a review! First off this seems like an interesting concept, and I get that this is only the very first part. It almost ...

Hi Ray! I think this was a really great beginning. You didn't take your time getting to the action which I like in a story. You dove right into an ...