Swires

Yes this seems very narrative and there is no emotion, imagery or description of action, perhaps work on that and resumbit, there doesnt seem to be POV really and it ...

Please add some text formatting to space out your paragraphs and I will review your work.

Right this was ok, I didnt feel dragged into the piece really, also I felt it needs maybe more sensory description and imagery.

I loved the film and I think that the piece above is also very good, I particular like how you describe Elijahs emotions etc...

LOL! This was quite humorous

Nice HP Fanfic, this is what a proper fanfic should look like, not the half-baked rubbish scattered around.

I have enojoyed reading this story throughout and I can see a progression in your ability to write.

Yeah it does seem rather random, you need to be "taking the mickey" out of something for it to be "wittiful "

LOL! Nice parable, nice moral as well.

Nice story torpid, I think the above reviews have covered everything. I like it how you write many genres, and a pretty good at them all.

I also feel the plainness of the first part, also I felt that "inhabitants" was repeated too much. The rest seemed good and I think you achieved your goals well.

I thoiyght both pieces were good, in the first one I arnt sure about the extensive use of elipses(sp?)

I like this piece, I love how you open it up and it just pulled me into to read on. It is an interesting "story telling" type style you have ...

Please space out the text and I shall return

JigSaw picked out alot that I was going to say, I liked reading it and I agree that the proligue does seem a little long, perhaps rename it to chapter ...