z

Young Writers Society



The Moonshine Wars Episode 1

by BustedFlush


The 1920's brought many Progressive reforms to the United States. The reforms were a result of industrialization, urbanization, and immigration. Progressivism also brought the temperence movement to the United States. The sale and use of drinking alcohol became illegal when the 18th amendment was signed into the constitution.

During the 1920's Italians were still streaming off the boats into the harbor of New York. Among these immigrants was a man named Salvador Rossi who had great ambitions of his new life in America. Salvador 's family came with him which included five brothers and three sisters.

Salvador had greater hopes for his life than any other immigrants coming off the boat into America. Sal's father was wine maker in the old country and had taught him everything he knew. Sal figured he would start a bar where ever he ended up.

Once of the boat Sal's family was offered a job mining coal in West Virginia. This was no the job Sal wanted but because he had no money he tool the job. The rest of Sal's family also took the job. The man who gave them the job fronted them the money for them to make the trip to West Virginia. They would work off the money in mines.

When they arrived in the town where the mine was Sal and his family started to work. It was not long until Sal was persecuted because he was Italian and not native to America. The mine owners would send him and the rest of his brothers into the mines. When they came out the owners would not pay them their days pay. Sal quickly became tired of this.

An old man from the mine gave Sal an idea. The old man said there was great possibilities in distilling moonshine. He taught Sal everything he needed to know about making moonshine. Sal soon after went to the mine and stole what he needed to distill moonshine.

Sal needed to find someone who would distribute the moonshine. This was easily solved by visiting his cousin in Baltimore. His cousin would bring bring a truck into West Virginia twice a month and bring the moonshine into Baltimore. This soon gave Sal more money than he had ever seen. The only problem was the rival moonshiners in the county.

Sal had left Vesceppi his little brother to watch over the distillery and jugs while he went to but supplies. When Sal came back he found Vesceppi dead with his throat sliced and his moonshine on fire. Sal knew there was only one group who would have done this. It was the other moonshiners in the county who had become mad because of the competition.

Sal set out for revenge with his other brothers and a few hired hands. They grabbed all the weapons they had which included a few shotguns, rifles, a pistol. Sal was not fond of killing but he knew what had to be done. Sal and the men set out along the river to the other moonshiners camp. They finally arrived at the camp at night.

Sal waited for morning and climbed over the hill that overlooked the camp. He counted twenty men at work on the distillery. Him and his men were greatly out numbered, but they had the element of suprise on thier side. Sal assembled his men and told him his plan. They would creep along the river and enter the camp at the closest part to the river with cover.

Sal and the men moved back down the hill and back along the river. The men waited for Sal's move. Sal took one more last deep breath and moved his hat on his head. Then Sal jumped up and was followed by the men. They ran toward the camp with diligence. The first man who saw them stopped what he was doing and grabbed for a shotgun. Sal shot him with the pistol in his hand.

After killing seven more men the rest of the moonshiners surrendered. Sal now had to decide what to do the men who had surrendered. Sal was a generous man so he gave them the option of working for him or be shot. They all chose the first option. What Sal found was a distillery twice the size of his and around 100 jugs of moonshine. This made Salvador Rossi one of the biggest moonshiners in West Virginia which would bring in more customers and new enemies.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.






You can earn up to 174 points for reviewing this work. The amount of points you earn is based on the length of the review. To ensure you receive the maximum possible points, please spend time writing your review.

Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
614 Reviews


Points: 1106
Reviews: 614

Donate
Wed Apr 12, 2006 2:48 pm
Swires says...



Yes this seems very narrative and there is no emotion, imagery or description of action, perhaps work on that and resumbit, there doesnt seem to be POV really and it makes the read boring.




User avatar
1259 Reviews


Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

Donate
Fri Mar 17, 2006 4:30 pm
Firestarter wrote a review...



This seems like more of an outline than an actual story. It's narrative; there's no description. Also, it's half-way between a historical essay and historical fiction. If this is historical fiction, you don't need the introduction at the beginning. These facts should be weaved seemlessly into your story through different techniques - characters, dialogue, actions etc. I don't want to critique this because you need to expand it first. Take each paragraph, and expand it to more sentences.

I have a few questions, too:

1. Why would the old man tell Sal all the secrets of moonshining? What's his motive? Make this more clear.

2. Wouldn't the police investigate the killings at the end? For a story to be real, we need real consequences. There should be some sort of aftermath to the shootings for this to be complete. I'm not saying the police would arrest Sal but we need some sort of excuse or something for him to get away with it, and a believable one at that. Linked to this is the fact that the story in a whole is rather cliche, and fantasy-like. In the real world, Sal would probably be arrested by the police and put in prison, or at least hunted down by relatives of the moonshiners he killed. It would not bea happy ending at any rate. In fact, making the ending more brutal and less happy would make both the story more realistic and introduce morals.

3. Not a question, per se, but take out the apostrophes in "1920's." It's 1920s.

4. There are no emotions in the story. How does Sal feel about his brother being killed? etc.





If you have a Kuzco in your life and they don't turn into a llama, bail.
— Alan SeaWright