Swires

Anyone else _ I really need comments on this.

Thanks for the comment Adam, much appreciated.

Thankyou for those insightful comments Tim. Ill be sure to redraft this adding different imagery for the mortuary and maybe adjusting the repetition slightly.

I agree with Dream - Rewrite with the suggestions and you could have a very beautiful poem. I really thought this was a nice piece with pleanty of meaning.

Just Kill Arya along with the rest of Eragon's cast. This isnt fanfiction, too short to get anything across.

" He didn’t answer, didn’t turn to look at the man who had bought him. The anger and hatred seething inside him were a controlled tide, like the measured beating ...

Ok - thanks everyone again for help with this story. I dont think I will post anymore, I have enough feedback to continue on my own. So Ill go and ...

Again a fine installment. Im not lying or sucking up in anyway, nor am I being an idiot newbie. But, you do have the potential to publish, you really do. ...

This is completely inaproprate. You need banning and quickly. I have informed a mod about this and hopefully he will pass it onto the admins and ban you indefinately.

You have quoted Sureals story twice. When I get my mod powers I shall delete your posts.

Was a very nice piece of work congratulations i am much looking forward too any other of your stories :D A* Your post was encouraging but consider actually telling us ...

.....Ok..... I dont think the repetition of the questions works at all - in fact it lowers what I think of poets when they ask endless questions with no answer. ...

Ok this seemed a little random and spontanious. Some flow was there but on the whole I arnt sure If I like it. Try and write on a subject, place ...

and they were just fools, with dull, dull eyes yeah, they were fools, with dull, dull minds. I dont like the repetition here, it seems immature compared to the rest ...

Alternative to constant updates is just keep this thread in your favourites and change the corrections en mass - a daunting task.