Published November 18, 2006
Gazing out the window longing for freedom and realizing you never again would have it. Back raw from endless tortures ,tears of pain running down your face. Did you want to die ? Did you continue to stay alive just deify Duza ? Did you realize that even though you were resigned to your fate your spirit sought freedom.
Longing for release they administered poison, comatose became your state.Still longing for release you spirit sought freedom.
Whipped,burned, poisoned you still hung on. they slowly begin to let you recover but for what reason to see their king. Resigned to your fate you may have been, but you spirit still sought freedom. Finally freedom came in the form of a boy and dragon, he healed you but for what purpose you mind wondered.Still your spirit sought freedom,and yet even as were healed in body you still sought freedom for the oppressed. Freedom's here you mind cried and his name is Eragon
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140,240 Literary Works • 673,051 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well for a change it seems I've run into something in the fanfiction that I actually am familiar with...although this piece here seems isolated to really work with a lot of things here. I must admit I am slightly confused as to what exactly this is meant to reflect, at the moment the best I can think is that this is somehow meant to be something of a very short standalone piece.
So I can see sort of where this person here could be brought in, and with this sort of second person style which you don't see too terribly often, even in fanfiction, it is not too difficult to picture sort of exactly what's meant to be happening especially given that this is a rather short straightforward piece here. I think you do a decent job with the emotions there, we manage to relatively understand what this person is going through, although it is perhaps not the clearest it could be owing to the fact that this is pretty small and we don't have too much in the way of more specific context for what this person may have gone through.
At any rate, as a short bit of fanfiction, I think it works, although it could be made to pack a little bit more of a punch than this.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
No but, the Movie is coming out in 18 days.
Hiya! I Love Eragon and Eldest! I like the poem you wrote! (Do u know when the next book is coming out?)
Thank You,Phorcys,but this is based on the book not the totally awful false Eragon Movie.
Just Kill Arya along with the rest of Eragon's cast.
This isnt fanfiction, too short to get anything across.
I love eragon. Too bad the movie was nothing like it. This is great! You are really poetic, and this is just like.... WOW Ayra wrote this. Do you like the book or the movie? They were 2 totally different things.
Thank You!!!
I write better poetry than stories.
I personally do not think eragon was that good (no offence
) I just din't like it that much. I read boh parts, though.
As to your writing... My poetry critique-ing skills are minimal. I'm just gooing to say that I liked it.
I adore Eragon, and this was really cool to read.
I remember wishing that we knew more about Arya's imprisonment, therefore reading this was really interesting for me.
It doesn't exactly flow with any of the Eragon characters, but I don't think you're trying to write in voice. For what you're trying to convey, I think it was written very well.
I am a fan of Eregon myself. I belive this (poem) is exelent. It truely grasped the point you made. Keep up the good work.
I've never actually read Eragon, and i've heard it's just a copy of LOTR, but i assume that you're a big fan, so i will say no more!! (and what epic fantasy isn't some sort of a copy of LOTR nowadays, anyway?!) i didn't really understand this, probs because i havn't read the book, but i don't think this is suited to fanfic - maybe it should have been in the miscellaneous section of the poetry bit?? anyway good, work, but i'm not really a poetry fan so.... there we go!
Again, really good feel here. I like the run-on sentences; they make the piece seem urgent somehow.
A good spell-check might do this story good, make it easier to read. Like your other piece, it's got a lot of potential, the punctuation issues are just distracting.
Those renegade spaces are at it again! Try to tame those critters, they make the story hard to read for punctuation freaks like me.
Keep a-working on this one, Alanna! PM me when you revise!
Thanks,it was fun to write.
Oooh. I liked Eragon. It was a pretty (who am I kidding? awesome) book
i liked this little exerpt from arya's imprisonment
Umm..... That's not fan fick babe. That's poetry.
Good tho!
Ah. In that case, my poetry-critiquing skills are small to nonexistent, but I will tell you this: they'll get on you for structure. Even if it isn't supposed to rhyme, you'll want to make sure it's coherent.
I think it's a rant style poem.
Hey, Alanna!
Since you posted this in fanfiction, I assume it's meant to be a story of some sort...? It seems closer to a rant-style poem to me; to get any good crits on it, I think you'll have to make up your mind which it is and structure accordingly;) Oh, and be careful with your spelling and grammar. I won't crit yet, because it seems like you're a bit undecided about what this is supposed to do, but you might want to take another look at that.