Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Gazing out the window longing for freedom and realizing you never again would have it. Back raw from endless tortures ,tears of pain running down your face. Did you want to die ? Did you continue to stay alive just deify Duza ? Did you realize that even though you were resigned to your fate your spirit sought freedom.
Longing for release they administered poison, comatose became your state.Still longing for release you spirit sought freedom.
Whipped,burned, poisoned you still hung on. they slowly begin to let you recover but for what reason to see their king. Resigned to your fate you may have been, but you spirit still sought freedom. Finally freedom came in the form of a boy and dragon, he healed you but for what purpose you mind wondered.Still your spirit sought freedom,and yet even as were healed in body you still sought freedom for the oppressed. Freedom's here you mind cried and his name is Eragon
Okay...well for a change it seems I've run into something in the fanfiction that I actually am familiar with...although this piece here seems isolated to really work with a lot of things here. I must admit I am slightly confused as to what exactly this is meant to reflect, at the moment the best I can think is that this is somehow meant to be something of a very short standalone piece.
So I can see sort of where this person here could be brought in, and with this sort of second person style which you don't see too terribly often, even in fanfiction, it is not too difficult to picture sort of exactly what's meant to be happening especially given that this is a rather short straightforward piece here. I think you do a decent job with the emotions there, we manage to relatively understand what this person is going through, although it is perhaps not the clearest it could be owing to the fact that this is pretty small and we don't have too much in the way of more specific context for what this person may have gone through.
At any rate, as a short bit of fanfiction, I think it works, although it could be made to pack a little bit more of a punch than this.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
) I just din't like it that much. I read boh parts, though.
A good spell-check might do this story good, make it easier to read. Like your other piece, it's got a lot of potential, the punctuation issues are just distracting.
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Reviews: 4237
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