Swires

Ok, I havnt read it all - no point in lying. The beginning was very uninteresting - you describe the place very objectively. A beginning should start in action or ...

This is a big improvement to the prologue - this one actually has real characters :) I'm hooked actually, I'll be returning to read more of the story. keep your ...

Ok - The main thing that strikes me from all of you work is the shortness, from this I can only infer the pacing. I dont believe you know where ...

At the start you say "Worthingtonia" far too often. Also you are vague and viewless at the start. By this, I mean there is no character, instead of giving a ...

The night was black. The stars had gone out. Clouds scudded effortlessly across the sky behind a light breeze, barely visible, constantly blocking, constantly revealing the tiny sliver of moon. ...

I think what you have done in places is written things over descriptively spoiling the pace of the story. The dragging out of a picture can make the reader lose ...

Ive read many a question poem and hated them all. You ask many questions but dont provide answers, surrendering all meaning of a poem - I understand you have tried ...

Seemed random, dont bother with rhyming either. Non - rhyming is usually more powerful. I reviewed somethign the other minute, it could apply to you: The rhyming killed it. Like ...

The rhyming killed it. Like it does in many poems. It is a sick and twisted demon, a black sword that stabs and lurks in newbie poems, preying on musings ...

What is the black, what is this poem trying to say? I felt it was a little random and carried little meaning or thought in itself. I also found it ...

on their canvas every night. Not sure if that worked. It lost the flow and beat the poem carried before hand. This poem was neither good nor bad, I see ...

I didn't like it: I think the repetition didnt carry any meaning and took all power away from the poem. In future, consider writing what your heart says - don't ...

You manage to capitvate emotion and theme with unique poetic muse, genius and personal endevour, this poem like all others ranks in the top 10 of all poems on YWS. ...

Please don't take offensive about what i am going to say the poem has a nice concept but it seems a bit simple and lacks intrigue, that is only my ...

:arrow: First off, add formatting - spaced in between your paragraphs. :arrow: Im not captured by the start of the story, it isn't grabbing and it doesn't make me want ...