Swires

Nice and dark - the MC was interesting and generally the story was quite nicely done. However the story itself is not underused - Ive seen a redition of this ...

I dont think this works. I found it all a tad boring actually. Im not a fan of the "lets chat to the reader" style as It doesnt get me ...

I dont think you have modified the story from the last critique. SO all that still applies. OK: One thing is that John seems to have no weaknesses which for ...

There is nothing really to add to the other critiques. YOu should consider reading more books of the fantasy genre and reading and reviewing some stuff here. Then start to ...

Come near me, I want your skin This line works, we know the voice and I instantly want to read on. To slide on mine like it was sin. Maybe ...

The beginning - I neither liked nor disliked to be honest. However "had had" is awkward. Perhaps, "drank with dinner" ? However, you do seem to blab on about the ...

Nice, I remember reading some of your other stuff. A few things # You use speech tags too often. Dont be afraid of "said" - said is your best friend. ...

As he inhaled the bitter-sweet air only smelt while sailing atop the beautiful blue ocean, Roger Greenfield knew he was one with the sea. He belonged on the S.S. Marie-anne ...

A tad boring, the subject matter didnt interest me really and it was just a list of "I did this..." Also poems that and in a question dont do it ...

I saw your user name, clicked the story and began to read. I was a little disapointed. I see where you were going, you tried to get a casual voice ...

The dark room was weakly lit by a dwindled fire. Cumbersome adverb "weakly" remove. There is no such thing as a dwindled fire, "dwindling fire" is the correct terminology you ...

Bestia prowled through the forest, his eyes shut tight, his hands touching the floor, feeling the way. Too many commas. "Bestia prowled through the forest, his eyes shut tight, hands ...

Cadmium may have said these, I didnt read his review. 1) Why the italics a the bottom?? THey add nothing to the poem 2) The imagery was good. 3) I ...

Wow - SUperstar incan. Love the structure, the whole regular and change to more lines to add power to the final verse. The imagery is nice in the first and ...

Something was not right. From the moment Margo woke that morning an incessant nagging, a fly in the back of her mind, reminded her of the queerness of it, and ...