Summerless

Hi Hibiscus! I haven't had my first kiss yet so I can't speak from personal experience, but I feel like most people don't really think about their noses when kissing. ...

It’s neon glow was the only light source in the dark room It's means "it is." Its is the possessive, which is the right word to use instead of the ...

This was pretty well written, except you tell us everything. When I read this, I don't feel any emotion or feeling. I can't relate to this. I can only read ...

Although you said not to mention punctuation, I think it is fine to not have any punctuation. It could be your style :3 There was one little error I found. ...

First off, welcome to Young Writers Society! This was a nice poem. Word choice-wise, I liked the words you used. You might need to add a little more punctuation. You ...

"The wind tousled my hair, swept it in my eyes and across my forehead. The fingers curled around the balcony railing were numb from the chill, yet I refused to ...

This was well written as well. More work is still needed for the dialogue and tagging, though. I also agree with bear. The wall just appeared there so you probably ...

The story, alone, was great (cheesy word---sorry for the lack of a better one). It's getting more exciting and I'm anticipating the next part! However, deafwriter_19, I'm somewhat disappointed in ...

I can hear the voice of a narrator and he/she sounds whiny, like as if he/she was rambling on about all these unfair things. That's good news if you wanted ...

This poem has a good start but there's a problem. You don't really take the reader into the picture. You tell us about all this, but there aren't any feelings ...

I agree a little with what MidnightVampire said about all that background information clotted at the beginning. Maybe incorporate those details within thoughts and detail? Also, work on your dialogue ...

Wow, this is pretty good for an hour's worth of work. A few things, though. I think you should lose the whole tribe/princess/magical powers things. It makes the story weak ...

I thought me and she could be That is grammatically incorrect. It should be "I thought she and I could be." (If you have any questions on why, feel free ...

defenceless if you look at the way Defenseless doesn't have a 'c.' Replace it with an 's'. my stringy blue veins are so clear beneath the sheer paleness of skin ...

Oh, wow, this is so sad and moving. The main character's innocence is lost! :'( The way you wrote and described each character makes me feel sympathy for the girl ...