Sugarbowl

I think this is very much a piece with two halves. The last half of the chapter works very well. Your style of description is great, and very subtle. You ...

Wow, I really liked it. It took me a while to read it, but it was worth it in the end. I love the general idea of the piece. Love ...

First off, I think I should address this bit again; Josef Rodriguez gave nothing off, his slight tilt of the head the only reply to the prisoner I think "Josef ...

I liked it. It did what a prologue needs to do, without too much description or character development. It made me interested enough to read more, so well done on ...

The good thing is, I liked the tone of this piece again. It was tense and precise like the scenes you're describing. It's nice to see its improved after I ...

It's definitely engaging enough to expand, as long as there's a story equally as engaging that you can come up with. If you don't have a story that you're happy ...

Overall, pretty good :) I do agree with Adnamarine about that particular stanza: To stay at home within the bounds of safety and old peace wouldn't bring joy like as ...

I like it. A couple of typos you should sort out first though: and all the emerged was a strangled gurgling sound Should be "all that emerged" crying in teh ...

This one had me stumped for a while :? It is good. But parts of it didn't keep the tone that the last part had. I know the piece needs ...

Overall, I like it. But I can't help feeling there's something not quite right. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I think it felt a bit crowded while ...

The officer at the tape let him through, and he made his way around the crowd of officers and forensics experts taking pictures and collecting evidence to the body, which ...