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Stori

Stori

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Literature Re: The Girl with a Lion Mane- 1.1

    All right, first of all: do not use random words just because they sound nice. "Tittering" means a specific kind of laughter, so how is Mills' heart tittering? And then ...

    Aug 13, 2021
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: The Dragon Thief

    This story shows promise, but it leaves a lot of questions unanswered. For instance, besides having sapphire scales, what does Yanfei look like? Is her human form oriental-looking, as her ...

    Aug 11, 2021
  • Short Story » Fanfiction, Action / Adventure Re: Doctor Who: Children of Mephistopheles

    Hello again, SubSub! Did you know there's a Doctor Who role-playing game? There is; it's published by Cubicle 7. :-) Perhaps you could write a supplement based on this piece, ...

    May 6, 2019
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, Romantic Re: Chapter 1 Return

    First of all, 'tis a grand thing to find a new story about Robin Hood. And second, this piece could use some help with word choice and tense. Here we ...

    Aug 15, 2017
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: Copper Dust: Chapter 1

    I was going to review this, but then I saw that you had eight already. Such is life. Right away you've given us an interesting character- not one of L'Amour's ...

    May 28, 2017
  • Novel / Chapter » Teen Fiction, General Re: Of Dust Balls

    Okay, well, this is short. I only saw one grammatical error, so here goes: enjoying the screeeeeeeech it made Some things of interest: the mouthpiece that was a bit too ...

    Apr 11, 2016
  • Short Story » Health, Science Fiction Re: I don't know what to title this, but its a short story about a women and her service dog. Enjoy!

    It looks like all the bases are covered- well, except for the last paragraph. Is Coal the one saying "You can stay"? Let's try this. "You can stay!" cried Coal, ...

    Dec 8, 2015
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Teen Fiction Re: The Return of Magic Part One Chapter One: The Snow Sisters

    Orson Scott Card once said that in science fiction, most main characters' parents are either "dead or such lousy specimens of humanity that they couldn't wait to leave them behind". ...

    Dec 8, 2015
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Humor Re: Kevin and Shoko - Chapter 1

    Hi, it's me. I'd like to go over your work in the interest of improving it. Shoko’s father, Hinata, was always disapproving of Kevin and her crazy antics. Kevin was ...

    Oct 9, 2015
  • Poetry » Humor, Other Re: Travel Through Space

    I like it. There are some small changes that could be made, but I like it. With eight great tentacles instead of arms, there were plenty to become alarmed You ...

    Oct 8, 2015
  • Poetry » Lyrical, Humor Re: x + y = conformity

    It may be just I, but this doesn't sit well with me. Here's why. You poem is all about freeing oneself from conformity, yet it has a regular rhyme scheme ...

    Oct 7, 2015
  • Short Story » General, General Re: The Vegan Lion

    Long time no see, Miss Scarlet. Love it or hate it, I don't care. But please, do enjoy it. Brilliant. The lion paced, caged in stone and metal bars. The ...

    Oct 4, 2015
  • Short Story » General, Realistic Re: Imaginary Can Mean Real

    Wow. Somehow you've managed to capture the writer's mindset just right. So now I'm going to do what I do best- help you fix the grammatical errors in this piece. ...

    Sep 30, 2015
  • Article / Essay » General, General Re: The Quiet Side of Hunting

    Hi, Kyll! I only have one or two points, so this won't be a proper review. (That's because it's darned near perfect.) As I am blowing feeling back into my ...

    Jun 13, 2015
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, Dramatic Re: Color Photographs, Chapter Two

    Note: This review has been deleted
    Hello; I'm here to review your work. First of all, when does this chapter take place? It's rather jarring to go from the restaurant to Sadie's house, presumably sometime later ...

    Jun 9, 2015


See, we could have been called The Shoes.
— Paul McCartney