The Vegan Lion

Long time no see, Miss Scarlet.

Love it or hate it, I don't care. But please, do enjoy it.

The lion paced, caged in stone and metal bars. The zoo was silent in the predawn light. All the other animals were still asleep....and yet the lion he was awake. At dawn, which was only an hour (or less) away, the Zookeeper would come and check on him, and the rest of the animals. The lion watched the sky as it lightened and eventually the sun climbed higher into the sky.

He was hungry. So hungry. But he didn't want the meat the keeper would give him.

This lion did not eat meat. He did not like meat. He despised the taste, the flavour or it. He hated the texture. The very thought of it, the very idea of eating meat made him feel sick. In fact, everything about meat disgusted him.

The Zookeeper was approaching his home, his cage.

The lion grinned his lion grin--a smile full of teeth and snarl. The zookeeper ignored it.

But he did not have to like it (and he didn't).

This is really cute and funny. I like how you use personification so here is a suggestion you can take or toss.

The first thing that was more stiking to me was the words Zookeeper, and amimals. They are human words, so it feels strange for a lion
to call the other four legs "animals". Zookeeper, too, seeing as they aren;t aware of that, or are they?

yOU are very good on voice in perspective though, I just think it feels funny but there might not be in other way to write it. that is maybe just me.

Maybe the third person part bugs me but if it works fo ryou, it works:) I agree with the first comment as well, but it was really clever and simple
because a lion doesn't, to our knowledge have large vocabulary. keep writing!

writergirl

Oh yeah, one question, how might the lion get what he want? I want to see him try!

Hey Scar, Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

The lion paced, caged in stone and metal bars.

They killed and ravaged and destoryed everything around them for their profit.

the humans who had caged him might sent him free--or choose to destory him.

He had a little longer to live--a reason for just a little longer. He could do it. Just a few more days.

Hi,
I loved this. It was so beautifully written. I'll just second what Dudette said. Only thing I had an issue with were the ellipses. It's been drilled into my head (thanks Joshuapaul!) to avoid ellipses at all costs in a story, so. Yeah.

It was her prefume perfume he could smell, along with the potplant she carried.

Hey there!

I liked this piece. It was a challenge to write something from the point of view of a lion who doesn't eat meat. You gave him human traits, which I liked, but you kept him as a lion too, with the smile that he gave the keeper being a growl. It helped remind the reader that the story was from the point of view of an animal.

I think the way you described him was great. With the scent of lavender reminding him of freedom and the way he kept saying he'd eat the meat, but only because it was all there was. I do agree with another reviewer, however, in that in such a short piece you should be careful not to repeat a theme too much. You mentioned freedom a lot, as well as the lavender, and the cage. There were times where you could have just called it 'a prison' rather than saying that it was a cage as well.

I did love the ending though. It was verging on poetic, and it made the whole piece come together, I think. The fact that the lion was old was great too, as it made the way he thought/spoke that little more realistic, in relation to him sounding the same as I'd imagine an old man to speak if he was in a cage/ saying his life had been the same.

Thanks for the great read!

xDudettex

This is such an amazing piece! The idea of portraying the greed of men through the eyes of a Lion, the king of the jungle, is just brilliant. I like how you make human actions seem so idiotic and how this dangerous creature, a big, proud lion, is the one with a heart and brain and pure motives. It's really creative and I loved it.

Overall, this was just brilliantly written and i have no complaints!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Hey Scar!

This is awesome! It's brilliantly creative and beautifully simple. I love the personification of the lion. Especially a vegan lion, I imagine it to be a hard character to get into.

My only advise would be to watch the repititions. In a piece that is as simple and gentle-flowing as this one it can be easy to fall into the habit of repitition. For example, 'the scent of lavender,' is repeated. If it where for stylistic purposes (like the repitition of 'or' near the beginning, it would work really well, but repitition doesn't work to well with descriptions. Changing the word a bit would create a more vivid image. Too much repitition tends to dull things.

On a positive, I really liked the use of punctuation with '(which she did) / (which he did),' it's a very smart way of jazzing up the piece.

Overall I love it! You should keep accepting challenges
~Ten

This was good! I felt a lot of things while reading this piece... In the end, though, I was somewhat... scared. I don't know why exactly - for some reason, I thought that the lion would jump out of his cage and kill the people around, or make a break for it and end up being hurt. And that scared me.

I absolutely loved your writing style! I will point it out more thoroughly in a sec.

You had a few mistakes here and there, which can be fixed easily if you just read through it real quick.

Good piece, just wanted to point that out.

Now, on to the review.

Things that I love (especially, since it doesn't make much sense to highlight nearly all of it!] - blue
Things that need correction - red
My comments - green

The Vegan Lion. Great title, absolutely love it! Eye catching and interesting!

The lion paced, caged in stone and metal bars. The zoo was silent in the predawn light. All the other animals were still asleep....and yet the lion was awake.I love the entire paragraph, just to let you know, but this half sentence was very good. It had suspense and great writing style! At dawn, which was only an hour (or less) away, the Zookeeper would come and check on him, and the rest of the animals. The lion watched the sky as it lightened and eventually the sun climbedI never thought of it that way... I bet it would seem that way to an animal. Very interesting... higher into the sky.

He was hungry. So hungry. But he didn't want the meat the keeper would give him.

You see, there was something very odd about this lion. A strangeness he did nothing to change.

This lion did not eat meat Very well paragraphed! I love how straightforward it is... I love this writing style in general!. He did not like meat. He dispised I believe you meant "despised", as in, loathed, hated, and so on. I'm not too sure what this word means, though, so you could be right - most likely just the spelling is different from what I know. Oh, and I love all the rest of it, too, I just can't highlight everything! the taste, the flavour or it. He hated the texture. The very thought of it, the very idea of eating meat made him feel sick. In fact, everything about meat disgusted him.

Who would kill a poor, defenseless creature just to cut it up later for food, and then to sell that food for money? What kind of creature would do that?

The lion has I feel like a "had" would be smoother, if you know what I meanhis answer.

Humans. Humans would do that. And the lion knew why.

Humans were empty inside. They killed and ravaged and destoryed everything around them for their profit. They did it just so they could have more and more. Humans did what they did because of greed. Great summerization!

Greed because they did not have something and it left them hollow inside. Greed because they did not, and could not, understand certain things... Like the wind through grass or the cries of a thousand birds in midair. Or the scent of lavender that drifted to the lion on the breeze from somewhere beyond the stone-and-metal walls of his home. Or even the way a butterfly was beautiful, with its flashes of gold and black in the sunlight. Or the way the sunlight played across the ground when it shone through the leaves of the maple tree overhead.

Or what it truly meant to be free, as when an gazelle raced across the plains in the wake of a gathering thunderstorm.

Life was free. The lion knew that. All animals knew that.

Life was precious. Especially to the lion, who knew that at any moment, the humans who had caged him might sent him free--or chose Tiny, tiny nitpick - I do believe you meant "choose" to destory him.

The lion paced back across his home, which was really a cage, his prison. He watched absently as the sun climbed ever higher into a bright blue, cloudless sky. The scent of lavender drifted past him again and the lion turned, trying to scent it out. He loved the scent of lavender, enjoyed it. It reminded him of what it was like to be free.

The Zookeeper was approaching his home, his cage. It was her prefume he could smell, along with the potplant she carried. Both were lavender. The lion ginned grinned his lion grin--a smile full of teeth and snarl. The zookeeper ignored it. She even smiled at him and placed the potted lavender near the edge of his cage just beyond the bars. She called his name, told him he was a good boy and then turned away, leaving the lavender where it was and disappearing around the edge of a building.

The lion stared at the lavender and then glanced at the sky. The sun was nearly soaking Original! his entire home in light. It woudl would be time for the zoo to open soon and that meant that she woudlwould be back, the zookeeper. And she would give him meat. Again. Just like she had ever other day. The lion knew, for it was as regular as the rising and setting of the sun. And just as set-in-stone.

And he would eat it, because it was all they ever gave him.

But he would hate it. Perfect.

And then she was back, as the lion had known, for the growing scent of lavender had warned It feels like lavender is his ally with this word. He is warned, therfore he is defended by the one things he loves and is familiar to him... I just wanted to let you know that's what I thought about this sentence, even if it's not entirely what you meant. I loved it! You have a knack for choosing the right words here... him. And she would have the meat. The lion growled, watching as she came into view. She would throw the meat over the fence to him (which she did) and he would eat it (which he did). Love this writing style!!!

But he did not have to like it (and he didn't). And he would have to deal with it, for he would not escape and the only escape he did have would be death....but he did not want to die. Yet. He had a little longer to live--a reason for just a little longer It intruiged me. I kept thinking, "reason? What reason? Now I aboslutely have to find out!". He could do it. Just a few more days Meaning he has a plan. Now I'm going to get a bit ahead of myself here - I sort of understand that the end is the part where he begins putting his plan to action. But you don't tell us what his plan is. And we know he doesn't mind dying once his plan works. Now that and the ending line creeps me out. I keep thinking he's going to do something dangerous or suicidal... for such a noble lion, it feels a tiny bit odd that he's somewhat suicidal. That he thinks "death" is an escape. I think you should change that, or if that's not what you meant, put an emphesize on what you do mean-- maybe the lion is so noble that he's willing to die for his cause. That's what I like to think anyways. If you don't intend to change it, would you please tell me what you meant by it?.

And so, as the sun rose and humans flooded the zoo and the scent of lavender brushed past a pacing lion, the animals kept watch. And they listened. The birds sang, the monkeys chattered, and the humans made a racket.
You're building the suspense... It's great!

It was just like every other day at the zoo. Stone walls, ponds of water, fields of grass or dirt and an old, old lion with beautiful golden fur that did not eat meat and loved the smell of lavender, for lavender reminded it of freedom and life.

The lion knew. Life was free. Life was precious.

Life was not meant to be caged.Powerful ending line! Very catchy, very meaningful... beautiful. Yet scary when you think of what the lion is about to do.

Such a beautiful piece of work. This shows that courage longs for freedom. Life is free, so true. I never read something so wonderful about a brave animal such as a lion. This work deserves to be read by all. I applaud your effort in this piece. Please, do more like this. I love it like crazy, so much I think I'm going to die.