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Re: The Girl with a Lion Mane- 1.1
All right, first of all: do not use random words just because they sound nice. "Tittering" means a specific kind of laughter, so how is Mills' heart tittering? And then ...
Aug 13, 2021 -
Re: The Dragon Thief
This story shows promise, but it leaves a lot of questions unanswered. For instance, besides having sapphire scales, what does Yanfei look like? Is her human form oriental-looking, as her ...
Aug 11, 2021 -
Re: Doctor Who: Children of Mephistopheles
Hello again, SubSub! Did you know there's a Doctor Who role-playing game? There is; it's published by Cubicle 7. :-) Perhaps you could write a supplement based on this piece, ...
May 6, 2019 -
Re: Chapter 1 Return
First of all, 'tis a grand thing to find a new story about Robin Hood. And second, this piece could use some help with word choice and tense. Here we ...
Aug 15, 2017 -
Re: Copper Dust: Chapter 1
I was going to review this, but then I saw that you had eight already. Such is life. Right away you've given us an interesting character- not one of L'Amour's ...
May 28, 2017 -
Re: Of Dust Balls
Okay, well, this is short. I only saw one grammatical error, so here goes: enjoying the screeeeeeeech it made Some things of interest: the mouthpiece that was a bit too ...
Apr 11, 2016 -
Re: I don't know what to title this, but its a short story about a women and her service dog. Enjoy!
It looks like all the bases are covered- well, except for the last paragraph. Is Coal the one saying "You can stay"? Let's try this. "You can stay!" cried Coal, ...
Dec 8, 2015 -
Re: The Return of Magic Part One Chapter One: The Snow Sisters
Orson Scott Card once said that in science fiction, most main characters' parents are either "dead or such lousy specimens of humanity that they couldn't wait to leave them behind". ...
Dec 8, 2015 -
Re: Kevin and Shoko - Chapter 1
Hi, it's me. I'd like to go over your work in the interest of improving it. Shoko’s father, Hinata, was always disapproving of Kevin and her crazy antics. Kevin was ...
Oct 9, 2015 -
Re: Travel Through Space
I like it. There are some small changes that could be made, but I like it. With eight great tentacles instead of arms, there were plenty to become alarmed You ...
Oct 8, 2015 -
Re: x + y = conformity
It may be just I, but this doesn't sit well with me. Here's why. You poem is all about freeing oneself from conformity, yet it has a regular rhyme scheme ...
Oct 7, 2015 -
Re: The Vegan Lion
Long time no see, Miss Scarlet. Love it or hate it, I don't care. But please, do enjoy it. Brilliant. The lion paced, caged in stone and metal bars. The ...
Oct 4, 2015 -
Re: Imaginary Can Mean Real
Wow. Somehow you've managed to capture the writer's mindset just right. So now I'm going to do what I do best- help you fix the grammatical errors in this piece. ...
Sep 30, 2015 -
Re: The Quiet Side of Hunting
Hi, Kyll! I only have one or two points, so this won't be a proper review. (That's because it's darned near perfect.) As I am blowing feeling back into my ...
Jun 13, 2015 -
Re: Color Photographs, Chapter Two
Note: This review has been deleted
Jun 9, 2015
Hello; I'm here to review your work. First of all, when does this chapter take place? It's rather jarring to go from the restaurant to Sadie's house, presumably sometime later ...
