Squall

I concur, he has improved from his previous works. I read them and I was like "Man this story owns the other ones badly."

Hrmm I liked your setting. Hrmm I don't know much about your characters at this stage. Maybe include more action that tells me a bit more about them?

I like this. It was original and a good read. Though, I think your dialogue might need some work.

Hrmm this is ok I guess. Don't really know who is the other person is but meh. I liked the way on how you describe the change. That's all I ...

Meh...Dorren seems kinda boring in personality. Is there anything that you can put in there to distinguish him from the rest. The story seems a bit cliche at the moment ...

Man... to be separated from icecream... oh and your family too, I suppose :lol: It's great. When are you posting the next part? :wink: Working on it now ^^

Meh all I can say that it is ok for now. Need to see more of the story for me to come up with a comment.

I find your characters boring. There is little to no plot and everything was...well boring. Think on this on how you can make this more entertaining.

Hrmm this is ok. The idea to this is alright. The problem is that some bits in your story doesn't fit with the setting and the action that it is ...

Added some detail about their holiday and provided small hints of the environment of a certain part of the planet in my fantasy. When I read the older version, it ...

Sorry guys!!! I'll review chapter 1 and 2 and see what I can do. Remember, Azzia deserves much better than being sold off!!! Selling her like does not bode well.

Yeah I just re read it and it's clear to me now lol. Now I worry about my story and maybe I rushed it too much lol.

The story is good in this. However, I believe that you will struggle for ideas in the middle of the story since you have revealed a little bit more than ...

The problem in why not many people are reading it I believe is mainly because chapter 1 and 2 do not flow that well with the prologue. Azzia looks like ...

Right now I have added more detail to the prologue. I'm still deciding whether I should do the same for chapter 1 or do it for chapter 2. Anyhoo I'm ...