Snoink

Thanks for all your comments guys! :D I've edited it to your suggestions for the most part. Sureal>> Nice proofreading! I tend to miss words (I found A LOT of ...

The second stanza is definitely the best. Yay for physics! But... the others lack something. Try injecting less information of the narrator and see what happens.

Hahaha... we love Safari. If this a square of text that has a hole in it so that it looks like a camera, I can't see it. I'll blame Safari, ...

Edited! The original version is in the spoiler, if you want to look at it... [spoiler] Give me that cigarette so that my lungs can turn as black as yours ...

I just want to point out that this poem is slightly more than three years old and that the member is no longer active on YWS. ;)

Ugh... usually I'm a fan of your poetry, but this seemed to have too many adjectives for its own good. Better luck next time? ;)

...I've seen worse. :P

I think when you wrote the poem, your formatting didn't come the way you intended it to look like. ^^ Perhaps you can edit it so it looks like you ...

*LOCKED*

I hate you and your cliffhangers. That is all. :P

Edited slightly. ^^

:P I forgot not all people were musicians. Oh well! Leggero = lightly sposina = a light bridal dance And yeah... thanks for all the comments so far!

Before you go on about how much it sucks, etc., please please please note that this was written two years ago as a way to fight writer's block and I ...

Oooo... thanks for all the comments guys. ^_^ What "it" was about was the struggle for oxygen. Perhaps that wasn't clear? And the line, "round up the usual suspects" refers ...

Your Mom should be proud of this. Who knows? Maybe it'll even make her cry! :P