Snoink

A little bit more so! Though that chapter will be cut out, so yay! It's more prologue-ish than anything, really.

Rosey>> I don't understand your comment. Where specifically does she mention how bad everything is? The overall tone of the narrative is dark, I'll admit, and the description of the ...

Kibble>> Thanks for confirming my suspicions. It is a little long, isn't it? :) I'm definitely going to tweak that part, especially as I rewrite the beginning of chapter 2. ...

Nutty>> Thanks for your comments! You're right about chapter 1... I've been struggling with it since I wrote it several years ago and I'm probably going to get rid of ...

Haha, I completely forgot about this poem. It's actually a senryu.

Hahaha, maybe! But I kind of like that ambiguity. :D Anyway, if you want your story to take precedence in your poem, consider making the details more specific. So, for ...

Ooooh... good idea, Jiggly! I'll play around with it. Thanks! :D

Eek, Pen, I didn't see you up there! Thanks for the nit-pick! That paragraph is awkwardly written. I'll rewrite it soon! :) Hmm... Intriguingly vulnerable? Interesting description of her! I ...

Karsten>> *freaks out* No, but seriously, thank you. I thought you were only answering my question... I didn't realize that you didn't have any critique! It's highly flattering. :) Grphyon>> ...

Eli>> I just rewrote a large chunk of Chapter 4 last night at an awfully late time and I would like to sit on it for a while before posting ...

Hehehe, in a way, the artist in me kind of likes that. It's like that line from "The Year of the Cat" which goes: "She comes out of the sun ...

I read till ' Sandpaper stay still.........". i left in the middle because I want a rating so I could read it. I foyu could do that I am ready ...

A brilliant story like this needed to be continued, of course. ;)

Actually... maybe you dwell too much on it! Heavy gunfire from both sides was now echoing around us. We cowered on the floor in the back of the van, covering ...

Hahaha, that's awesome! Just remember to describe them a little... it'll be fantastic in the long run. :)