Snoink

Yeah, it was kind of vague and rather preachy. Not bad, but you show definite potential so I'm sure you've been improving. :) When you write poetry, close your eyes ...

The main weird thing about this poem is that you're telling us what we should be feeling. What you should probably aim for, especially for a suicide poem, is something ...

Together we can drink in the glorious beauty that disappears within moments. Describe what the moments are like, and it'll probably become a little more fluid. Otherwise, lovely imagery! :D

No polls! Please! I beg you! Okay. With that said, onto the critique! This is one of those thing that is very internal. We hear about the internal anguish of ...

Hmm... I'm not quite sure about this as a prologue. Usually, the prologues I like are those that are stories within the stories. For instance, let's take a look at ...

Hehehe... don't include polls in your story. Usually, I post in the "I hate it!" option, not because I actually hate the story, but because I hate the poll. If ...

His face was bleak and expressionless. His hair was black, disheveled, and And? I think you need to copy and paste it again. Right now, it doesn't include the full ...

A pair of big blue, Through which one day I will see. I didn't get that you were referring to eyes until near the end of the poem...maybe you could ...

My first and rubbish attempt hope to write better soon Hehe! A question: what did you intend to get across as your message with this poem? :)

I like the first version better. It is more repetitive, yes, but at least it's a purposeful repetition. it's not trying to be non-repetitive, which is what your second poem ...

I suppose that I could say that this is the most inspirational thing I ever read, but then that would be stretching the truth a little. You have a wonderful ...

Um... yeah. I didn't read the prologue. I usually skip prologues in real fantasy books, so never fear! Um... language! Touche is too French. You have to come up with ...

Wow... interesting take on frozen foods. A sonata depicts music, so I want more description on the music, or at least lack of. So you have lots and lots of ...

Gah! I love the prologue! You have to make that more a part of the story! That is the interesting thing. How does he interrogate him? How does he get ...

Mmmm... Yeah. I actually like it that you altered the first line. It fits for its purpose. You edited it quite nicely, I think. And if you did the original ...