The time is here,
The time has come,
For me to do,
What must be done.
I put my hand to one my sides,
And take the gun,
Form where it hide's,
I polish it down,
With spit and gum,
I put it to my head,
And pull the trigger,
BANG... life is gone.
My first and rubbish attempt hope to write better soon
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I reckon it would sound better like this honey xxxx
I hope to see it soon.
hehehehehe..
I only liked this line.
Keep writing and posting it in here.
That it is actually not that good, i was just trying something out
Thanks i'll try it
Hehe!
A question: what did you intend to get across as your message with this poem?
Okay not sure if this will fit in with your poem, but where you say side and hides, it sounds odd. What about,
"I put my hand to one of my sides,
and take the gun,
from where it hides..."
It rhymes better.
Other than that and what Claudette said, it's wonderful. Beautifully written.
Pandora
Take out BANG. Try to rhyme the whole time if you're gunna in the beginning. Yea, Claudette got the rest.
I'm not sure how to critique it. The first stanza is better than the second IMO. Very gloomy though... Sorry, I'm horrible with poetry!