Snoink

Hehehe... okay. Her purpose needs to be explained now. Either that, or you have to give us a description of what she looks like, a better one that is very ...

Her charcoal spheres pointed to the sky. Charcoal spheres? What's that supposed to mean? I've thought of three possible things, but two are rather... erm... strange. You might want to ...

You have all these lines that start with "when I..." but they have no conclusion to them, drifting off to another "when I..." This is weird and makes the poem ...

I like the personification of Lonely as a male form... that's awesome and I think it really makes the poem as much as it does. I especially like the narrator's ...

It's not bad, but there are several places like, "WHOA!" Like the line with the meteor. It makes you tongue skid like a car on dry ice. So basically, I ...

Haha... okay. Ellipses First of all, YOU'RE USING THE ELLIPSES WRONG. *dies* Okay. Delete the two ellipses here: “…How?” Fletcher found himself repeating stiffly. “Consolidated, you know. Last

You Are Capitalizing Every Word. It Is Annoying. So Don't Do It. Just Don't. Because We Love Lowercase Words Too. Yeah... so basically, capitalization usually ends up as something that ...

Oooo! I liked this. :) The main issue I have is the first paragraph. Describe the guy character. And for goodness's, don't use the word "so" so much and so ...

Hehehe... okay. I think this poem would be better without the opinion inserted. For example, these two lines: a window to delusions of reality. I would cut them out because ...

This is definitely pretty and I like the imagery you come up with. :) You might want to try a little editing to make it prettier. It feels a little ...

Hmmmmm... Hehe! Okay. Let's look at Poe, shall we? :D This is the beginning of "Hop Frog": I NEVER knew anyone so keenly alive to a joke as the king ...

Okay... Every night I look at the stars, and I think of you. This seems to be the most interesting part of the poem, so you're going to want to ...

Not bad! One of the things that struck me about this whole piece was how randomly put together it was. Now this isn't bad, but I think you might be ...

Okay... up to this one point, I'm fine. But then I get confused. I'm not sure why, but maybe you can tell me and stuff? ^_^;; Susan Merrick had hung ...

I thought the first paragraph was a little overdone, like you wanted to bring us in, but the rest of the paragraphs were beautiful in a simple way. Like, the ...